Yeah Risque Yeah

So I dreamed that I'd made a "Dating" site, except it was to match up fags and hags, so more of a Friending site. I had some sort of really catchy name for it too, that I'm sure was NOT faghagHarmony.com, maybe it was only witty in the dream.

So you could register, and you could search Fag for Hag, Hag for Fag, or Hag for Hag, but not Fag for Fag, since it's not a dating site, remember? Unless one of your Hags suggested another Fag to you, then you could see his profile and such.

I think I just said FAG in this entry more than any other, and now it's doing that thing where it doesn't seem like a word anymore. FAGFAGFAGFAGFAG. FAG!

Excuse me, I've just woken and am not terribly pleased about this fact. As usual things have gone all wonky, not getting more than 5ish hours sleep in a row, which turns into two naps, which turns into can'tfuckingeverfeelawake. So as usual I'm going to do the thing where I try to force it. I'm going to try to stay awake all of today, to reset.

This probably won't work, I'll probably end up thinking it worked, be exhausted as fuck by like 10pm, go to bed, wake up 5 fucking hours later.

I never learn.

I had a strange, very vivid dream yesterday nap, that's stuck in my head since.

I dreamed I was from another planet and was visiting earth, all first contacty and stuff, but all peaceful like, no OMG KILL THE ALIENS silliness. My race was nearly identical to humans with one exception.

The exception being that with my people, hair colour, eye colour and skin colour were random, like fingerprints. It wasn't tied to genetics, you'd still look like your parents, features wise. If both your parents were tall, you'd probably be tall, if your dad had a big nose, you might too. But if your mom had red hair and your dad had brown skin, it had no bearing on what your colours would be.

It was just a wildly weird perspective, to see earth peoples, and be so completely confused and fascinated as to why they grouped by colours.

It seemed terribly profound and interesting while I was in the dream, but just sorta sounds silly trying to tell J, and typing it here. But it's still stuck in my brainmeats. I wonder if it could turn into a decent story without being all heavyhanded about racism implications. I doubt it. Wasn't in the dream but I can't imagine it working well on paper. Just seems like it'd come off as a whole ha ha we're better than you cause we don't have colour barriers, when that wasn't the way it was at all in the dream.

Oh well, silly sleepmovies.

Misplaced sleep leads to weirder dreams.

Attempted to go to sleep at the very sensible hour of 1am, slept very well for two hours and abruptly woke up, pretended to be asleep, occasionally drifting briefly off till 5am, when J's alarm went off an hour early, went and questioned him about this, he realised it was wrong, and he went back to sleep. I was till awake when it went off, proper, at 6. Got back up, gave him a soda, talked to him a bit, and finally managed to fall asleep a while after he left.

So, the dream. I dreamed my mother had taken me to the dentist and I had to have some sort of oral surgery done. I was quite terrified, but submitted to a general anaesthesia shot, which for some reason was given, in my belly, through my shirt. I remember wondering, in dream, if that ruined the sterile nature of the thing. But then I was nearly out, and vaguely aware of a local anaesthesia shot in my gums.

Then it was all blurry and disconnected for a while, then I started to become aware of the pain, and apparently started making noises, so they gave me another shot, back to blurry. Then things cleared up and there was some pain, dentist said it was taking longer than expected, and I could go to the bathroom if I wished. So I turned to leave the chairbed to do so, stood up, and promptly passed out.

When I woke back up into the dream, I was back in the chairbed, and they had an actual hospital anaesthesia team there now, and they told me that I had reacted badly to the shot and my blood pressure had gone dangerously low (hence the passing out), and my heart had nearly stopped. So the surgery was going to be finished with IV anaesthesia. Back to blurry for a while.

Then finally waking back up in the dream after it was over, feeling awful, lots of pain, there was an ambulance team with their bed thing, and they were attempting to coax me into it to take me to the hospital and run a few tests and make sure I was alright after the whole issue with the anaesthesia. The bedthing was full off fluffy pillows. My mother and I kept asking if this was necessary and they told us it was mostly so I wouldn't drive. As I'm trying to climb up onto the crazy thing full of pillows, we're trying to convince them that I do not drive, so this isn't needed, mother will just take me home.

As we're waiting to leave, my mother writes a cheque for the bill, and while she does so she lectures me about how it took 15 minutes longer than the expected 3 hours so she has to pay more, like it's my fault I passed out, etc. We're sitting in waiting room chairs, I don't remember getting off the bedthing but it's sitting there beside us, and the outside office appears to be in a department store, like the little salons they sometimes have.

While we're sitting there mother asks me if I'll be up to going out with her and brother the following day as she's taking him to get a piercing, this is quite startling coming from my mother, I say that I very much would like to come with, if I'm feeling up to it. While we're discussing this, the dentist walks up and informs us that he also does piercings. Mother hands him one of his business cards for him to write on the back of it where he does the piercing. He gestures to this wooden crate on its side that's between the chairs serving as an end table, and tells us there's a flyer in it. I look inside, and there's many business cards and flyers in stacks and he says "You'll see it, it's the shiny one." Sure enough, one stack started glowing, so I grabbed one off the stack and handed it to mother.

I get back home somehow, and it's a woody, hilly apartment complex, sorta weimarish, but nowhere I'd ever seen before. Of course in the dream it was totally familiar. I approach the apartment door and see through the window on the door (I've never lived anywhere with a window in the front door), that he's sitting on our blue and black sectional couch (never had one of those either), shoved up against the door, watching a tv he's placed in the corner where the couch was. I try to get his attention to open the door, he sees me, starts moving it ....

And suddenly I'm walking through the complex to home, as if time skipped back about 5 minutes. Same pretty foresty place, and there's odd goat/monkey things all over the place, playing and throwing sticks and leaves about, they scare me a bit, I don't know what they are, I'm anxious to get inside my home. I approach the apartment door again, upstairs this time but otherwise the same, and enter, and J shows me how he's rearranged it so things are similar but couch is no longer blocking the door. I tell him about the dental surgery, he sits me down, gets me some water for some of the pills I was given, asks me what he can get me, if I can eat, etc. Conversation continues a bit, I say that I think I just want to sleep.

And suddenly I'm in my room, puttering around, putting books in a shelf, three walls have high windows in them, the sort that you turn a crank and they tilt out at the top and in at the bottom, I keep trying to close them, and they keep being open. The light in my room starts flickering and pulsing like its thinking about burning out. I cuss at it and tell it to quit it, walk out in the livingroom to tell J, he comes in and the light is behaving normally, we both go back out to livingroom for a bit, then I return to my room.

AND ONE OF THOSE CRAZY GOAT MONKEY CREATURES IS IN MY ROOM, strange faces, like they're wearing red and black african carved mask things. It hops about all crazy, and I shoo at it, and it hops out a window. I run to the window and look, and it hops down the two storeys just fine, without hurting itself. Then I see how they're getting up, they hop up other open windows.

So now it's a fight to keep the windows closed to keep the crazy hopping goat monkeys out, suddenly someone is in the room with me, I know in the dream it's a friend, but I don't know who it is, or even remember now if it was male or female. The damn goat monkeys keep hopping in through the windows, and we keep shooing them out. We're trying to devise some method of sealing the windows closed...

and I wake up.

Just woke from a dream in which boyperson and girlperson,
were both trying to visit me today, but hadn't told each other,
I let them know and I ended up somehow, in my mother's house,
on the phone with the both of them.
Then he got sick and she had to take him to the hospital.

She called me from the hospital to tell me,
mother started yelling at me to get off the phone,
so I went down the hall into my old room from the Stockton house and locked the door,
after inexplicably whining at girlperson that she should make boy better, and still visit,
I decided to just up and go out on my own.

For some reason I was in San Jose suddenly,
bussing around, I bullshitted my way onto some tour shuttle so I wouldn't have to pay for bus,
and they stopped at this wal*mart, there was something I needed so I decided to go in.
There was a $35 minimum cash on hand to get in or $50 available balance on credit/debit card.
WTF?
So there were entry stations where you had to prove this minimum before you could get in.
While counting out my cash the (very nice) clerk said if it was just something small I needed,
I could tell her and she could go get it and we could bypass the whole entry and walking around bit.

So I told her, and she rang it up and I paid for it (whatever it was, something crafty I think),
and then while I was waiting for her to come back with it. meredith and some dude walked by.
She had a lot of makeup on, and like 3 scarfs, she said hi and smiled, I did the same, they kept walking.

I turned back around to continue waiting, they stopped about 5 feet past me,
had some sort of whisper discussion, then Meredith walked back over,
and asked if I wanted to come to dinner with them.

We were trying to figure out where I lived and where they were going, etc.,
while I was trying to figure out if this was a real invite or a polite one,
clerk was trying to get my attention to follow her for some reason,
then I woke up.

So, yay. whatever.

I dreamed it was my wedding day.
Who was I to marry? It is a mystery. I couldn't figure out if was girl or couple,
and I don't think it was consistent in the dream besides.

But I wasn't in the Stockton house,
I do believe that I was in the house where Aunt Sandy shot herself.
Also, wow, thanks brain.
So my ride didn't show for some reason, which resulted in my first gf showing up.
Someone sent HER to give me a ride when things messed up.

Who invited her? Did I? ...WHY?
So, stuck in a car with her, she thinks we must catch up on things,
so in some weird chummy way she starts in on me about how terrible I was.
Even to the allegedly hitting her, hey every boyfriend around that time allegedly hit her,
why should I be left out, hey?

So, interminable car ride over, at big fancy house.
I have no idea what the plans are, I had memory that I kept trying to make sure everything was planned properly, but people kept telling me not to worry it was all taken care of. So I'm even in a ratty skirt and my ratty fake keds because they had also said all the clothing was going to be taken care of.

I walk through the door, ask what the plans are and where my clothes are and whomever I was talking to says "oh, you thought TODAY was suppose to be the wedding? This is just the pre-reception WE thought YOU were planning the wedding." I stare at person in shock, person says: "... well I suppose we can throw something together last minute then."

I'm lost, confused, and I'm angry, I wander about the place for a while, realise that everyone else (butme) thought it was a party, everybody's dressed normally. Possibly pizza will be ordered later.

After some time of trying to convince myself that this is ok, eris doesn't require large and fancy ... and planned and ... ok I'm mad, convincing doesn't work. So I don't need fancy, I would like plans to actually happen I'm told that they're happening, whatever this was it had been a few years in the planning and I didn't want to half-ass it like every other random spur of the moment thing I've done. This wasn't spur of the moment. Fuck this noise.

I find someone who is just a friend of a friend and doesn't really know who I am and talk them into taking me home. Once home I am unable to find one bathroom or closet in the damn house in which to hide. So I grab some blankets, and drag a card table into the kitchen (which apparently had a door which closes though there's an open bar bit), cover it with the blankets as to make cave, and hide underneath and cry like a baby.

I woke up with puffy eyes, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK.
Ok, now it's down on "paper" in words, get out of my head now.

It was a dream about a crazy, drama-filled threesome lesbian wedding.

Dreamed I was getting married to Tess and some chick called Meg (Megan),
that I have no idea who she was but apparently I knew her very well in the dream,
obviously enough to marry her.

Wasn't any crazy lesbian fun,
just typical wedding crap stress.

And selene was also running around, I guess suppose to have been some sort of
bridesmaid or something, but she didn't like/get along with/approve of Megan
or something., I'm not sure exactly what sort of drama was going on there.

Then the wedding went on ok,
at which we all had turns speaking as part of the vows or something.
in which I said something that made nearly everyone in the place cry,
something along the lines of that anyone who had a "moral" issue
with our arrangement must never have actually been in love.

And then there was craziness following.
running from cops or something, cities burning.
And turns out each of us had a boyfriend,
that of course were all sharing.

Again, no crazy sex in the dream or anything.

All the boyfriends were dream constructs, like Megan.
There was some tragedy or crisis that we were all huddled around,
and I ended up leaning against Megan's dude, and she mine.

This could have been a horribly fun dream.
Instead it was mostly drama and stress.

wtf brain?

I've been dreaming every night since the new bed,
vivid and crazy and then not being able to remember them to write about them.

However, last night I had one that stuck with me.
I had no legs, I was a middle-aged women (looked nothing like myself),
and two friends also middle-aged ladies who were also legless.
Just like, enough of stumps to very slowly walk with,
and we three insisted on "walking" rather than wheelchair and such.

So I had these other 2 ladies over to my house for tea,
my house had very low kitchen counters and appliances,
but for some reason I had normal height couches.
So we fetched our tea and small sandwiches from the kitchen,
"walked" into the living room, sat the tea and stuff on the end table.
And climbed up onto the couch.

I was a doctor. I had invited my friends over to tell them that I was about to let a close (also) doctor friend of mine, perform a procedure that would put a port of sorts at the base of my spine so that mechanical legs could plug into it. It was going to be painful, it was going to take long months of getting use to and re-learning things.

Then suddenly fast forward, I'm in the hospital and they have just finished the procedure and have put the "legs" on me. It is suddenly amazing to be as tall as everyone else. Because the implant was new the area around the base of my spine had to be numbed, this somehow resulted in me being unable to control the top half of my spine/neck, also that with my brain suddenly using other nerves it hadn't in years this would persist for a few months past the cessation of local anaesthesia at the site of the implant. So there was some sort of metal round bar up my spine on the outside of my back and back of neck. I

For some reason I was back on rounds right away, minutes after first putting on the legs. This doesn't seem practical at all, but they did seem to have given me limited duties. So I spent a lot of time just walking around talking to patients.

The mechanical legs were more obvious then they'd be later,
due to the still healing of the implant site and the bar to hold up the top half of my spine.

In the midst of explaining my legs, yet again, a co-worker accidentally wrenched me off center,
from the top spine supports, so my head was lolling, and suddenly my lower back was in INTENSE pain.
Hobbled back to the proper ward and my doctor.
It was then determined that the implant itself had also become wrenched, there was bruising around,
and some of the stitches were bleeding.
Then it was also determined that the level of painkillers required would pretty much knock me out,
so that was enough for today, best to just take me out of the legs for today and give everything a rest.

The "unplugging" of the leg contacts from the base of my spine was THE MOST PAINFULL THING IN THE WORLD.
I'm rarely, rarely vocal about pain, this had me whimpering and "ahhh!"ing.

I'm sure if someone had been in the room while I was sleeping I probably made noises.

So they finally got me out, nearly instant relief, the pain just subsided to a dull ache,
and I was hungry, they told me to go sit down and handed me a bowl of some sort of food.
I did my stumps walk over to a big fluffy couch, sat down, got settled, realised I had no fork.
waved until I got someone's attention and they brought me a fork.

And that was pretty much the end of it, I can't remember anything past that.
I must have been laying awkwardly cause my lower back is sore for the first time since the new bed.

I'm going to eat my tortellini now.

I had the weirdest dreams.
I had dreamt work was in the sub-basement of my house.
("my house" being the Stockton house, which didn't even have one basement.)

And was shocked that I was driving all the way
just to come back where I started,
when I could just walk downstairs.

I was disappointed when I woke,
would have been a huge gas saver.

Firstly I dreamed that my father died, it was VERY distressing, but it wasn't one of those really real dreams, it was very surreal. And with all the goings on in the dream was very obviously just a manifestation of my current worries. So it was not a nice part of the dream, but it doesn't worry me.

Heh, he showed me his heart surgery scar last night, that might have been part of the trigger.

Then I dreamed that I was walking around the mall
and I ran into spanky and holly.
I was just walking and this kid started staring at my hair,
not realizing who he was looking at till I said "HEY SPANKY!"

Holly had some infant with her which was a niece or something,
and she was carrying it around with us,
it was chewing on the top of her head and chewing her hair OFF.
So that she looked like she was balding.

So spanky decided it was time to eat so we went to
an eatery place there in the mall.
Sort of like a quizno's type place,
and he and holly were going to split a sammach,
but workerguy told them it'd be cheaper just to get
two of the little small sammaches.

So we each got a small sammach,
and it was very very small.
So holly and I ate ours
(the baby had vanished and her hair was back)
Spanky ate his decided it was far too small and that we
should each get one more.
Holly and I protested muchly,
one was just fine, we said.
Spanky said NOFOCKINWAY you two are eating another
tiny sammach.

He went off to get more sammaches,
and the dream faded from there.

strange dreams, only bit i can remember is we were at leslie's house watching tv, and that show, street smarts i think it's called, came on and someone in the room yelled out "oh this is the episode that leslie and eris are on!"
and i'm thinking "oh god, i don't remember this"
so everyone gathered around the tv and soon came the bit where they asked a question
"What is your favorite sandwich?" (that is really a question they'd never ask, how would they know what the correct answer is supposed to be?)
and the contestant said that leslie would get it wrong
so they played the video clip and it was leslie standing on the street and guy asked her question, and she said (in much thicker than natural accent) "cheese sammach and coke" and i jumped into the camera shot and repeated her making fun of her accent, then we both giggled like stupid girls (which was frightening) and she kissed me on the cheek
odd things: we both had long curly hair, and were dressed up all trendy for club-like, and she was quite a bit taller than me.
and then it ended.