Yeah Risque Yeah

He has lost a bunch of weight since the breakup, so he was attempting to show off his muscles to me. For some reason though, the boy has suddenly gotten very hairy in his late 20s, though you can't see it in this picture due to his pose, but the boy's got pit fros, a decent little chest garden, and his happy trail has exploded all over his belly. We'll stop before we mention his hairy ass though, this is my brother we're talking about KEEP YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER, now on to the armpit vagina ...

Directly after I took this picture was when I was teasing him about his hairyness, mother was to the left cutting out pattern pieces for a skirt.

He went off on a tangentrant about how he was going to get a vagina tattoo'd in one pit, and then trim the hair around to make it look authentic. Right away mother started making noises every time he said VAGINA, have some quotes:

"What is it you have a problem with, that I'm saying VAGINA or that I'm saying HAIRY VAGINA? Or is it armpit VAGINA that bothers you? Or the whole thing, HAIRY ARMPIT VAGINA?"

"Why are you so offended by my armpit VAGINA?"

"I'm probably going to bleed like hell when I get the tattoo, so you're saying you're so bothered by my HAIRY ARMPIT VAGINA, that you're not going to comfort me during my first woman times?"

She had enough when he started asking her if she'd show him how to use a tampon. I had to sit down I was laughing so hard. I kept pointing out that of all the words he could have chosen, VAGINA was the least offensive, to which she just replied that one didn't need to say ANY of the words referring to those bits.

What amused me the most is that this is the woman who very carefully always used the proper words when raising is, it was never hooha or wee wee, always vagina and penis. And yet she still freaks out.

And so another Biff Story is recorded.

In case you forgot that my brother is so much more awesome,
than any other brother...

He just called me a bit ago to give me a status update on his girl situation,
girluation?
Bituation?
Hostatus?

Heh, anyway, I dig that he tells me stuff,
that he thinks of me first to tell about new girls or change in status of current girls.

Also, it turned into a bit of a "bros before hos" conversation,
in which it was decided that I land on the bros side,
because he's my brother,
and ... I'm awesome.

He says that his new nickname is Ace,
demanded I call him so, to which I asked if he had a Gary.
He laughed, turned to guy in car beside him and asked if guy would be his Gary.
Guy said HAH! YES! and started singing the ambiguously gay duo theme song.

They intend to go into san fran for salsa dancing again,
Ostensibly for "Ace" to play wingman for "Gary" in the great Ho hunt.

Oh yeah, Biff, I mean Ace, salsa dances, he called me at insane AM
sometime last week and informed me he'd just been Salsa dancing in San Francisco,
for four hours.

I said: "You can Salsa dance?"
He said: "APPARENTLY!"

The mystery of the creepy message has been solved!

Talking to brother again and he looked through his call log,
he DOES have a call out to my phone at the same time I recieved that message.

He has no memory of the call, he remembers making the call 4 minutes before hand,
and me calling him an hour after.

He's thinking it was a pocket dial,
and the bits of talking are just him talking to the chick that was over there.
Just all muffled and staticy in the pocket.

Still creepy as shit.

n00dleboy on phone to biff_lomax
"buttpark franks, they poop when you cook 'em"

this was a class assingment, they were told to disregard what they believed about creation or how the world came about and make up their own:

Biff Lomax
World History
8-24-00

This is the story of how we came to be. It didn't happen all at once it just sort of happened gradually. We came about in a weird way. My name is Marcus and the rest of my tribe has figured out how it all happened.
The Earth was sitting calmly in the heavens; the only things alive were the creatures. The mighty bear, stealthy lion and the beautiful hawk. Every creature that is alive today was around back then, but the creatures were really smart. They were even smarter then we are today, and they liked doing things as easily as possible. They were tired of the life that they were leading. So the Lion the ape and the dolphin got together, they were the leaders of all of earth. And they decided to make a stupid race of what they would call humans to be there slaves. The humans would do everything for them. They would bring them food so they didn't have to go hunt it or gather it themselves anymore. So they got together in the Lab. And started mixing chemical after chemical and they bent DNA this way and that. Finally they were almost done but it would take seven days for the human creatures to become alive. They made four men and four women and three girls and three boys. They still had to make them really stupid and obedient. So they had made a stupid mixture a big bunch of it incase the Humans started to get smarter. Some how the stupid mix spilled and reacted with another chemical. There was a giant sound and this eerie back cloud drifted out of the Lab. The Cloud quickly covered the whole Earth. The Creature all got together wondering what was happening. They were afraid of what damage this cloud could bring. A rain started to beat down upon the Earth a nasty sticky black rain it was very hard and fast. The creatures tried to get away from it but their attempts were in vain. They could not get away from the rain; it rained for four days and nights. When it was all said and done the creatures were reduced to the dumb beasts they are today. A few days later the humans were born. They walked around the Earth making homes for themselves. They were happy with this land they found themselves in. I assume many years later they figured how they came about. They lived a good life and they had kids and there kids had kids. Until we get to where we are today. This is the story of our Creation.

remember when biff and i went to church?
remember the rant about it and i said there'd be a new pastor and i'd probably go?
here's an icq conversation with my brother about it
(if you don't remember my parents are divorced and they don't speak to each other)

eris: do you remember if it's this week that the new pastor is supposed to be at fairmont?
Biff: yes
Biff: this week
Biff: thats what I remember
eris: whaca doin this weekend then?
Biff: sitting at home
eris: wanna go to fairmont witht me?
Biff: no
Biff: I've seen you once
eris: :(
Biff: I'll bring mother
eris: i don't care
Biff: k
Biff: I don't want to get gas :P
eris: :)
hehe
um curtis and mary might be there
guess i should find out huh?
Biff: lol
Biff: who cares?
Biff: I swear they hide too much
eris: yeah
and WE'RE the kids
Biff: we don't need to make the arragement
Biff: lets just go
Biff: fuck it
Biff: who cares if they see each other
Biff: It might be funny
eris: hehe
suppose i could FORGET that curtis and mary have been going there
Biff: of course
eris: heh heh heh
Biff: why do we need to make them happy were the kids I am tired of pussy footing around
eris: very true
this is like some twisted parent trap
Biff: yeah it is but we don't want them back togeather :P
Biff: we just want BLOOD
Biff: lol
Biff: cough cough
eris: lol
that's why i said twisted
Biff: I know
Biff: I just wanted to say blood OK
Biff: we can ask her witch church she wants to go too? :P
eris: hehe
sure
"oh hey mom, there's a new pastor at fairmont and a potluck and Eris' going"
Biff: blah
eris: blah?
Biff: just blah

anyhow that's about the end of that part of the conversation, and oh yeah biff has been refering to spanky as "replacement brother"
heh