at least we didn't pay the pet deposit.....

why - in my fucked up logic - is it perfectly allright to cry and be seen crying over a pet's but not a person's death?
i had really good sleep for the first time in a couple weeks, and i feel like the universe got mad at me for it

..................

my hobbes is gone. over the next few years i'm going to beat myself up about the fact i didn't go see him before they put him down, i just can't do it, i'm too weak. it's easier for me to just remember the last time i saw him, when i sat in my father's backyard with him for an hour and talked to him about how i was coming to get him soon,
he was happy.
i'm a liar.

curtis and i were talking, and we've lost a several cats there, kal even lost two kittens to mysterious illness, so we got to thinking maybe there's something toxic in the area, as much as my brain struggles to blame this on me, it was kinda outside my sphere of influence this time. just seems odd that several cats died nearly the same way that house is cursed or something

oh my god my hobbes is gone
...................................................................

morbid as it is i'm glad he didn't die after i took him ... and i'll feel guilty about that too .... i cannot handle death.

fine, tired of forcing myself to be optimistic
i give up
happy now world?

i don't wanna play anymore, i'm losing

. . . . .

so it can only get better from this point right?






right?

(no subject)

clothedparts


amused.

heh ... spanky? dom?

Date: Wed, 20 Jun 2001 14:37:23 -0400
From: myfingerisstuckinmy@ss.com
Subject: Join NakedParts

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(myfingerisstuckinmy@ss.com) on Wednesday, June 20, 2001 at 14:37:23
---------------------------------------------------------------------------


why: WELL ONE TIME I WAS AT THE GROCIERY STORE AND I SAW SOME EGGS AND I THOUGHT
I COULD MAKE SOME EGG SANDWICHES AND SOME EGGROLLS AND SOME BOILED EGGS AND SOME
SCRAMBLED EGGS AND SOME EGG SALAD AND AN OMLET BUT I DIDNT CAUSE I DIDNT HAVE
ANY MONEY SO I STOLE ONE EGG AND THE OFFICER CAUGHT BE AND SENT ME TO JAIL AND I
WAS THERE FOR 8 YEARS AND IT WAS NOT FUN CAUSE BIG MEN WOULD TOUCH MY PENIS WITH
THE INSIDE OF THEIR ASS AND THEN YELL AT *ME* LIKE I AM THE ONE THAT DID
SOMETHING WRONG AND THEN I GOT OUT OF JAIL AND STOLE A OCMPUTER FOR THEM EGG COP
AND THEN I FOUND NAKED PARTS WHILE LOOKING FOR PORNOGRAPHY OH MY GOD

18: yes

name: Danny Thomas Igloo Kicker

ljacctname: jimmityjimmitypopiam

realljacct: pphthbtthbtYORK

tnaw

i want to call kal

curtis said kal hadn't wanted curtis to tell me about hobbes yet, kal wanted to tell me in person when he got home i guess... didn't want me to "freak out"
so i feel like i'd be a bother to kal if i called him since he didn't want me to know

i go through periods where everything in my head goes into this journal
and then where nothing at all does
i don't really worry about who reads it
i've gotten use to what kal prefers i not talk about
if my father ever read it he wouldn't judge me about anything
if my brother ever read it (he probably does at times) he wouldn't be surprised or shocked at anything i have to say i don't think
my mother can bite me
everything i am and do shocks and disappoints her

phone ringing

=)

i guess i psychically summoned the kal to call me

=)

still talking to him on phone

(no subject)

that was a pretty long phone call with kal
9:17-9:56

it wasn't that he didn't want me to know, he just wanted to tell me in person
he's going to try to leave work at noon today so i think that means he'll get here at 2 or 3
i'm going to feel horribly guilty going out and having fun while i wonder if hobbes is still suffering
ack damn tears
so maybe i'll see if kal will call curtis when he gets home to find out what happened
:(

i started out this entry not crying

how many days ...

don't count today and don't count next Friday
. . . . .
6 days

six more days here, maybe we'll get lucky and the temperature will drop a bit the next six days?
*AHEM*?
(knock on wood)

starting to get hot

kal izzz on hizzz way home i believe
i suppozzz i should take a shower
i wazzz reading for a while, but my eyezzz still sting a bit :/

kal was being perfect sweet understanding boyfriend on phone earlier
and i got promised lots of hugs this weekend :)

um

WOW
*blink*

:P

i find myself continually making excuses for NOT being mean
how twisted is that

sorry eris doesn't feel like telling you you're a stupid bitch today/this week/this month
go find someone else to abuse you

k

kal is nearly home
going to take a shower
cold long shower
yup

?

i'm not on cryo's friendlist
i'm pretty sure i was

suppose he got tired of me whining

stupid subject line

well kal is home and i'm still sitting here
i guess he's supposed to go do something else and they forced him to eat at work so he's not hungry

so i think we're waiting for his friend to call him so we drop him off and spanky and i get the car

kal chewed on his new credit card for a few mins before he activated it :)

jesus christ

you have permission to smack me now
regarding previous entry and subsequent replies

i am whiny and sad today, and it got expressed in the wrong fashion
i am sorry
and i feel dumb
and i'm pointing at laughing at myself

;X

i wasn't trying to cause trouble just then, i was babbling without thought
believe me i've been trying to get someone pissy at me to cause a fun fight, and that was not it.
and most defiantly NOT cryo and lilliane
or any of the people that are habitually pissed off at me
not quite fight, maybe spirited discussion, too many people have been agreeing with me lately and a few ass kissers even
chaos is getting twitchy and whiny in the face of order online and disorder offline

short answer:
i'm a stupid this week
and next week
i lost my clues
i'm sorry

A

i'm tired of subject lines but i feel naked without them so i'm going to go through the alphabet
also to people on my friend's list but who read me from eriscam.com/lj , i can't see my friend's only posts from there, only on friends list or calendar, not that you missed much ;)

spanky and i dropped off kal at some old friend's house that he just re became in contact with and they're gaming, it's a really shitty part of town and kal said the house his friend is in use to be a crackhouse
fun.
and i believe i'm expected to find my way back there on my own (and instructions over the phone) in the dark
joy.

and then spanky and i went to the nifty sushi place, it was not quite open yet (closes between lunch and dinner) so we sat in the car and talked about stupid shit i think, i can't remember
oh yeah, we talked about god and large bangs and hell, and stupid shit
then we ate, and spanky was silly, and i laughed
and there were two loud stupid miniature humans that did not seem to have acquired motor skills and speech
they had to be carried around and sat in special chairs, must have been some sort of mutants
i was unamused.

then drive home
and the wonderful n00dleboy had NOT closed the windows so the house is a fairly tolerable temperature

6 more days
6 more days
6 more days

B

what would you do if you had $28 and wanted to do something outside the house?

C

wow, well i thought it was rather cool

( geeky stats with cut and pasted html that fucked up friends page, heh CLICK IT!! )

D

you bet your sweet ass it is
ME ME ME ME ME