hoveringsombrero | at least we didn't pay the pet deposit.....

why - in my fucked up logic - is it perfectly allright to cry and be seen crying over a pet's but not a person's death?
i had really good sleep for the first time in a couple weeks, and i feel like the universe got mad at me for it

..................

my hobbes is gone. over the next few years i'm going to beat myself up about the fact i didn't go see him before they put him down, i just can't do it, i'm too weak. it's easier for me to just remember the last time i saw him, when i sat in my father's backyard with him for an hour and talked to him about how i was coming to get him soon,
he was happy.
i'm a liar.

curtis and i were talking, and we've lost a several cats there, kal even lost two kittens to mysterious illness, so we got to thinking maybe there's something toxic in the area, as much as my brain struggles to blame this on me, it was kinda outside my sphere of influence this time. just seems odd that several cats died nearly the same way ~~that house is cursed or something~~

oh my god my hobbes is gone
...................................................................

morbid as it is i'm glad he didn't die after i took him ... and i'll feel guilty about that too .... i cannot handle death.

fine, tired of forcing myself to be optimistic
i give up
happy now world?

i don't wanna play anymore, i'm losing