blah

i suck
it's too fucking hot
i'm not going to get anything much productive done online till we move
i WILL DEAL with the slow upload of a dialup until the cable is installed

yes kal it's an excuse but it's a damn good one

i wake up hot and flee the bedroom as fast as i can
i force myself to drink slimfast and lots of juice or water so i don't get ill
i try to find things to amuse myself that don't involve moving much and i take a very long cold shower

by the time it gets cool enough to get comfortable i'm exhausted because sleeping in the heat didn't do me a damn lot of good

i think i'm going to sleep out in the living room on a couch or the floor
maybe i'll take another cold shower first
yes i think i will

kill me or dunk me in ice water

heh

i was taking my wonderful cold shower and thinking about my greatest fantasy at the moment and how it's funny how in certain situations wants get very simple

i come out of my shower to the living room which had become full of spanky and loud video game and my fantasy became even more simple
to have a room with a door that i can close and be able to chase people out of and be alone

well now the spanky is gone and at least i'm alone in a cool dark room so i shall tell you my fantasy thought up in the shower

i want to take a nice cold shower, walk out of the shower naked into my bedroom, lay down on the bed in the room in the house with air conditioning and lay there till i become cold and have to wrap up in a blanket and then fall asleep in a sleep that i am not woken from because i'm so hot i'm melting but a sleep i wake from when i'm done being asleep

nothing else appeals to me unless it will someone bring about that fantasy

i dream of doors that close and comfortable dark cold silences

garg

suck.
i'm trying to explain to kal that i'm going to die if i have to be here any longer

eris: i'm gonna die before then
mah sexy mexican: lol no you wont
eris: i am!
i'm going to melt or just come apart
i think my joint adhesive is eroded from the heat

however being a whiny bitch doesn't actually make the money appear so we can move in
horribly, not wanting to do, beggging of father today
suck suck suck

remember my fantasies last night?
it's gotten even simpler

sleep, real sleep, that is all.

my hands are numb, it's possible i already died and i'm too stubborn to notice

(no subject)

(no subject)

kal kal kal kal kal
KAL!
kalthrax?

i was dreaming when i wrote this, forgive me if i go too fast

two thousand zero zero party over whoops outta time

hi

father is coming over soon
hopefully i won't turn into a whiny desperate mess asking him for more help
i hate asking someone who's helped me so much before for MORE help
ARRG
however i'd probably fuck anyone that would offer me 1-5k at this point

it's really not as world ending as my whiny ass is portraying it to be
i have absolutely no tolerance for anything above 80 degrees
i'm pretty lucky this happened when my only real problem is being out of shape and feeling guilty for mexican support
ugh ugh
as soon as we're out of here i'm going to look back on these entries and cringe

moo

visit with father went well
spanky and i are off in search of cooler climes in the form of movie theatre

;)

financial babble, you may skip most of it if you like

movie..
back from..
before seen it had i
very sweet movie is shrek
not a kid's movie still
it's still damn hot here but that few hours in air conditioned cab then air conditioned theatre, then air conditioned car of father did a lot of good for my mood, and i opened up the windows since there's now a breeze so it's notso bad in here

speaking of mood, this amused me, i took a depression test once and it put me on a mailing list i haven't been able to get off of, but i haven't bitched too much because the newsletter it mails out sometimes has amusing or interesting things, like so:

The Downside of Suicide
The fact is there is no 100% fool proof method of killing yourself, nor
is it a pretty sight for those left behind. If you're considering
suicide, here's some food for thought.
Read More..

well anyhow, father came over earlier and we had a nice talk, i managed to not get all panicweepy at him, i only asked once if it were at all possible to borrow a thousand before tomorrow, he said he'd love to but he just doesn't have it, and unlike my mother when my father says he doesn't have it he's not making an excuse
so we discussed the possibility of borrowing 5k on specific terms within a few weeks
he thought this sounded perfectly reasonable and was pleased that we'd already thought out a payment plan
so the end of one problem is in sight, he's going to try to do it before escrow ends but if not then immediately at end of escrow
he asked if this pre-empted the 2k secured credit card he was going to give kal, and i told him that after we pay off all of kal's credit problems we should be able to handle it from there, if not then i'd approach him about that after we'd paid off the 5k
he nodded all pleased like and said "ok, good good."
i'm sure a whole new batch of things to bitch about will crop up after we've taken care of this, but it's a pretty big thing out of the way
the balance of debt is shifting, we owe more to friends and less to creditors, heh, but debts to friends don't prevent one from renting a house or getting credit cards
i once naively thought 'once kal is making 50,000+/year all our problems will be gone'
no such thing
cost of living increases exponentially with income and economy, only thing his increase in pay has done is eliminate several points of stress (and add a few new ones)
seriously i bitch, but that's cause i'm bitchy, it is a great relief to worry about car and rent and NOT food and gas so much
lesser of two evils?
that was too much financial information eh?

one more week here ..................

(no subject)

(picture broken and missing)

UGH

i fell asleep on the couch
i feel like shit
my hands are numb
stupid eris

blech

k
dom has gone to work
i'm going to lay down and read in his room
and possibly get some sleep that doesn't hurt when i wake up

:)