Humans are awesome.

We fascinate me.
An entire race of "poke it and see what happens"
And always a small number of us who take it further with
"poke it again, see if the same thing happens."

And yet, there are some things we're still doing, fundamentally the same,
once upon a time some caveman threw one rock against another,
just.to.see.what.happened.
And now we have particle accelerators,
throwing one microscopic "rock" at another.
just.to.see.what.happens.
I'm simplifying, yes, but still.

Many years ago, when we wanted something translated,
many monks sat in front of many desks for years,
sometimes lifetimes to get it done.

And today? we have the lolcatbible,
same concept, except just regular people who think it's funny,
sitting at at many desks for many hours, translating.

If there is some more advanced race out there,
and we meet them some day, I hope this is what they judge us on.

Particle accelerators and lolcatbible.

I discriminate.

Normally I don't even notice, aside from whether I find someone attractive or not, things like colouring and weight, with two ridiculously glaring exceptions in which I have already made assumptions about you before you've said two words.

If you're VERY white, I don't mean skin colour necessarily, I'm very pale but don't consider myself whitewhite. I mean light eyes and (naturally)light hair. If you're naturally blonde, I'm automatically assuming that you're stupid. Especially if you're a guy. If you have very light eyes I'm automatically assuming that you're untrustworthy. If you're both I'm also automatically assuming that you also think you're better than everyone else. This comes from childhood associations reinforced by an initial few (very) bad dating experiences.

Now that first one is on the way out, as assumptions go. Even though it didn't end well I had associations with the whitest boy I'd ever talked to a few years ago, who was also the smartest person I'd ever met. I didn't realise how strong my bias was until meeting him and being continually surprised at his brains. So in the years since I've made more of a conscious effort to look past my knee-jerk assumptions and give you whiteys a chance. Heh. If I meet you on the bus, I'm still going to probably assume you're brainless and shallow, one good conversation can change my mind, though it's entirely not your responsibility to change my mind, they're my pre-determined assumptions and not your fault.

The point of this ramble is my second assumption, which sometimes lives with the first so it didn't seem proper to leave the first out.

Assumption number two: guys like this. For one I can't recall EVER finding a guy that muscley, at all attractive. *uck* I have no good assumptions about a guy like this, especially a chubby chaser guy like this. I get okcupid mails from guys like this more frequently than any other type. Now I'm not hating on ALL chubby chasers (how else would I ever get laid? srsly), but in the case of guys like this I think it's some sort of domination thing, that he thinks he's god's gift and chubby girls will obviously be so amazed that he's even talking to him that they'll fall all over his dick and do his every bidding. Probably they're just insecure really, I'd guess.

Now I'm not basing my assumptions entirely on his profile, though I'd have NEVER clicked on him to look after seeing him in thumbnail. He sent me an okcupid mail. In which he announced his intention to continue bothering me until I finally agree to go out to drinks with him, instead of periods he uses two commas which are apparently his idea of ellipses. Like,,so. And this apparently was his idea of a compliment: "pretty girls like you who are crazy nerotic gotta have something goin on!"[sic] "Something goin on" = "I'm positive will sleep with me."

In conclusion Once I already know and like you, get as fat or skinny as you like and it won't seriously effect my opinion of you, morph into Aryan poster boy looks for all I care. Once you're in, you're in, pretty much.

As for people I've not met yet, I apologise in advance, to any blond hair/blue eyed, full of crazy muscles, guys, who are actually awesome and fun and nice, and not THAT GUY. I probably won't give you the time of day.

I hate "good looking" whitey, apparently.

I prefer real, flawed, people.
It's unfair of me to make sweeping assumptions based upon physical appearance,
but I'm willing to bet everyone does, just not usually admitted.

OMG MOAR

I thought of more, damn you micke gonzo for triggering this chain of thought.

If you're male and you are loud and say stupid things on a regular basis, I'm assuming you've got a small dick and are a terrible lay. Especially if you've a fancy, expensive car. If you're male or female and you for some reason just HAVE to end every sentence with a nervous giggle I'm assuming you're a bad kisser, and a terribly lay, and that you're brainless as all hell.

If you're male I won't sleep with you if I have no idea what your dick size is. I'm terribly good at finding out at least a range without being obvious, though sometimes I'll just flat out ask if I've determined that that will be the most successful way of finding out. Also baggy pants are evil and completely unhelpful in this area. If you're female I won't sleep with you unless I've seen you mostly or totally naked already, naked pictures in both instances are a bonus. Unless it's the first contact from a guy and he thinks OH HAI HEREZ A PEEKTURE OF MAH PENIS is a good introduction, DONOTWANT. However, unfairly, naked pictures as first contact from a girl, totally acceptable. Yes it's a double standard, no I don't care.

As a guy, if you're taller than 6'4" you're probably shit out of luck in the getting any from eris department. There is no logical reason for this, too large of a size difference makes me uncomfortable. There's no height requirement for friends, one of my best friends ever is a giant, and he's awesome. I like tall guys of 6'4" and shorter. I like short guys, short guys usually have more personality and are more fun, dunno why. However anything below 5'6" in a guy is going to make me feel very tall and would take some getting used to.

As a girl, if you're taller than 5'10" you're probably also out of luck, and I'll probably just stare at your boobs a lot ... from a distance. I like girls around my height and I like short girls. If I can put my chin on your head while standing, that's endless entertainment to me.

IF YOU ARE A HALFBREED I automatically assume you are a person of depth and substance. I have a definite bias towards halfbreeds, I identify with them, and they're often very attractive to me. Of all my long term friends, it's always been the halfbreeds that I've most felt, really get me, I dunno why, just a thing. Unless you're offended at the term "halfbreed" in that case most of what I say is going to offend you.

There's probably more of these, but I can't think of any.
Please submit all naked pictures to erismay@gmail.com kthxbai.

And even more.

It's a multiple entry in a row day, yey.

A list of things I like/think are hot,
when combined with the already listed preferences.
(or even in violation of them at times)




Brains, of the math and science and computer variety.

Brains of the smarterthanmewithoutmakingmefeelstupid, variety.

Left-handed people.
Both-handed people.

People who have one really good talent or hobby that appears to totally contradict their personality. e.g. A physicist who is an amazing cook, A DJ who works primarily in house/hip-hop clubs with a broader knowledge of Mozart than I, etc. I can't think of very many good examples what aren't real examples which I don't wish to give.

People who wildly disagree with my beliefs/standards but still have more respect for them than most people who agree with me on everything.

People who love xkcd
People who HATE xkcd but don't get all offended and belligerent about it.

Happy people.
HAPPY poor people.
Shiny happy people? Ok this one got away from me.

People who think I'm funny only most of the time.

People who will happily be the butt of a joke, if it's really really funny.

People who drive crappy cars without a shred of insecurity about it.

People who don't think I'm weird.

People who think I look weird with my natural hair colour.

People who don't mind that I spell colour that way.
Or cheque, or apologise, etc.

People who don't make me constantly repeat myself.

People who know who Liam Lynch is.

People who still like me after a decade.

People with lots of awesome tattoos (tattoos make me touch people).

People who don't mind me touching their head/hair when I talk to them, especially when I'm drunk.

People who remember life before the internets (and cell phones,etc).

People who never grow up.

Dirty, Ghetto, British/Welsh girls (I'm slightly ashamed of this one).

Bleached blondes, especially with brown eyes. e.g. Billie Piper, Carey Mulligan

Natural blondes, dyed black. Especially with light eyes, HOT.
(I can appreciate hot regardless of first assumptions about brains)

People who understand HATING a film but still appreciating it.

THIS GUY.

Anyone who can pull off dreads and look good.

Conservative/modest/business clothing, no makeup, + crazy hair.

Conservative/modest/business/formal clothing + chucks, tennies, or combat boots.

A good looking boy in a tie.
Cuff links (omghot).

Full suit with a funny or offensive t-shirt instead of a dress shirt.

People who are weirdhot, yaknow, the person who'd otherwise be funny looking if they weren't so damn comfortable and confident in their own skin.

Vegetarians who get along with meateaters without issue.
Meateaters who get along with vegetarians without issue.

People who'll ditch work to come see me (though not on a regular basis, once is fine).

People who can laugh for hours at fucking lolcats and still understand how stupid and terrible the whole lolcat thing is.

People who hate lolcats and don't hate me for laughing at them.

Rockabilly girls.
Pinup girls.
Roller Derby girls.
Rockabilly boys.

People who play an uncommon instrument, at least decently. ukulele, accordion, etc.

Proper grammar.

People who don't mind me fucking cussing all the goddamn time.

People who make funny/interesting lists!

HAH

To clarify, my request for naked pictures was specific, not general.
Though naked pictures of other people are entertaining,
and this was amusing to have appear on my fon,
it still wasn't even naked other people. Wasn'twhatImeantOMG.



It still makes me laugh though,
and reminds me that I forgot that
I wanted to try doing this to porn pictures myself.

The Channels.

Our complex gets free satellite TV, and the recently added new channels, among which are SciFi, IFC, FX, and The Science channel.

I mention these specifically cause I've been watching pretty much nothing but those channels. Mostly SciFi and IFC. IFC is fantastic cause it shows uncut, unedited movies, it's nice to have TV with boobies and cussing again. I can turn to IFC at pretty much any time of the day and there's something watchable. SciFi succumbs to the informercial sometimes, but usually there's something of interest.

I recently saw part of an original miniseries on SciFi that I LOVED, even though I saw about the last 4th of the first episode. I haven't had SciFi in so long that I never saw this.
The Lost Room I looked it up and read the wiki for the first episode, The Key and the Clock, so that I could figure out what the hell it was that I was watching, and now I'm very interested to watch the whole thing, so I've not read anything about the next two parts. I'll either grab the DVDs or download it. It seems very Dark Tower-esque to me though I'm not sure exactly why I think that.

And on IFC last night I watched two flicks in a row, again only really started paying attention halfway through the first, and the second doesn't require a lot of attention.

Primer. One of the weirdest and most confusing time travel flicks I've ever seen. The "science" was way the fuck over my head but soon as it caught my attention I was glued to it. I liked it even more after watching it and looking it up. And discovering it was written, directed, produced by and starring a mathematician who taught himself physics while writing it. AND only had a budget of $7,000. It is one of the prettiest low budget flicks I've ever seen. They did an amazing job of working with what they had.

And then there was Gerry Which I didn't really like much at all, but I thought was rather good, and well done. Very stark, simple, plain, excellent use of silence. I think I might have liked it better with different actors. Enough of Matt Damon and an Affleck brother already.