A bit frustrated.

I know it's only day 3, and I know that I'm getting along much better than expected.

But it feels as if it's been a week and that stupid stubbornguy part of my brain has begun to bitch at me about WHY ARE YOU NOT RECOVERED YET ALREADY HURRY UP YOU STUPID WEAKLING.

Mornings are the hardest, cause I've still got a bit of a nagging cough from the end of the chest infection/cold, and this morning was particularly difficult and had to ask Josh for help with a few stupid little things that made me feel horrible and useless for quite a while after.

So I've not gotten as much of a sense of accomplishment from the new little things I've been able to do today, due to the somewhat mopetastic me. Today was the day which I could leave liquid foods and embark upon soft foods which could include dairy. So I've had applesauce, yoghurt and mac n cheese! I should be more pleased than I am, and I probably will be tomorrow.

Surgery day, Tuesday 16 March, 2010.

I really tried to sleep the night before and failed utterly. I was stubborn enough that I laid in bed the entire 8 hours with my eyes closed and pretended to sleep. So it wasn't total lack, I drifted from time to time, but the night was endless.

Finally it was time to get up and get ready to go.



I really did look like I had not slept at all.



Put my hair back into braids so that it would be easier for them to get under the surgery cap and out of the way.



Though you can't see it well, there is a clear acrylic rod through the hole. Took out the titanium horseshoe earrings and put the clear acrylic rods in, so that I didn't have to worry about the holes shrinking at all during surgery.



Tongue barbell just plain came out though, it's been out before, once, for about 20 hours, so I was not worried at all about losing that hole.

Mother and Al showed up at nearly exactly 6am, and I couldn't manage to get to the door before she went ringing on the bell. fortunately Josh is a sound enough sleeper that I do not think it bothered him. So I made sure I had everything, which was basically just me and my ID and insurance card, and off we went.

The Day Surgery waiting room, and my legs. I wore black t-shirt, Dr. Pepper pants, red fuzzy socks, and Josh's old slippers which have passed onto me. They are quite big on me, but with the fluffy socks they don't slide around too terribly.





My arm had advice for me which I was trying very hard to listen to.



Surgery was scheduled for 7:30, and we arrived (as instructed) an hour prior. I expected to spend quite a time in the waiting room. But there was barely time for me to sign in and for mother to use the restroom before they called me back to start the pre-op.

They put me in a room and gave me a gown and told me to take everything off and put it on, and gave me a bag in which to place my clothes. As you can see I hadn't put clothes in bag yet, bra is sitting all lewdly on the chair in the background there.



And then left me alone in the room for quite a while. the gown didn't even pretend to cover my ass so I just left my Dr. Pepper pants on for then. Got very very nervous being left alone in the room. Attempted to consult my arm for advice again, it only helped a little.



And then finally the pre-op nurse appeared to get all the final paperwork done.



She was amused at my Dr. Pepper pants still on, and found me some ridiculous paper shorts with which to replace them. And then covered me up with lovely blankets as you can see above. They were even warmed, so that helped a tiny more. I was fidgeting like all hell though, really more anxious to get it over with than a scared type of nervous. When she left me alone to go fetch the IV supplies, I managed to get a picture of the ridiculous paper shorts.



And then the anesthesiologist and attending nurse came in and introduced themselves while the IV was being put in. And the nurse also pushed something in (no idea what) to calm me down. Which did help a bit, and I was considerably less fidgety after that, but oddly more actual scared.



They explained how things were going to go, answered questions I had, then let me take a bathroom trip then brought mother in and made me hand over my fon to her. So no more pictures inside Day Surgery now.

Then Dr. Kwiatkowski, my ENT surgeon came in and said hi, and introduced himself to my mother, and explained what method they'd be using to cut out the horrible tonsils (he was very entertained that I referred to electro-cautery as "tiny light sabers"). And then mother and I just had a few minutes alone of waiting before they came in and made us say goodbye, and rolled me out and down a hall into an operating room and made me hop my ownself from the rolly bed to the operating bed.

It went very fast from that point, it seemed like 20 people all doing things to me at once, moving my arms around, sticking stickers with leads to me. I said I felt like a car up on a maintenance lift, and the anesthesiologist laughed and said "That's a new one, people usually make comments about the 'Jesus pose' that we're putting them in.".

Then they put the oxygen mask on me and told me to breathe and that they were about to start the drip into the IV that would put me out, I got very actually scared at that point and the last thing I remember is guy kept telling me to be calm and that it was ok, and I was wondering if I'd notice when I went out.

And then there was fuzzy blackypurpleness for a while, and then I suddenly woke up in incredibly horrible pain and coughing and trying to breathe. and some male person (the anesthesiologist maybe? he was too tall to be Dr. K and I couldn't see clearly yet) was YELLING AT ME that this wouldn't be happening if I'd just told them I was a smoker and how dare I lie to them. I was trying to argue that I am not a smoker, that I told them that I was at the end of a chest cold it was on my fucking chart, and I assume I was understandable cause guy was arguing back and saying snarky things like "likely story" and and then asked me "Well, when did you quit being a heavy smoker, last week?" I said "I AM NOT A FUCKING SMOKER!" and he said "Yeah right, this wouldn't be happening if you weren't."

That whole exchange probably only took a minute or two, but it was horribly upsetting at the time to be struggling to breathe and in terrible pain and being yelled at.

By the time I could begin to see more clearly he was walking away and it was just me with the pre-op nurse again, helping me breathe, giving me tissues to try to spit and blow my nose, and being very very sweet and comforting. And the pain was fucking ridiculous I felt like my brains were bleeding out my ears and that there was a gaping hole were my neck should be.

Once she got me calmed down and breathing better, she started pushing some morphine into the IV at regular intervals. About five or six times it seemed. It finally took the pain away from my ears and made my neck reappear, though it still was horrible pain it became much less upsetting. And then she began feeding me ice chips which also helped somewhat. Finally after she had given me as much morphine as they were going to she let me just have the cup of ice chips myself.

Then Dr. K appeared, all friendly took a quick look at my throat and then signed my discharge. I croaked out a "Thank you so much, doctor!" and he actually blushed and then said "You're very very welcome, you really needed this surgery, they looked a lot worse up close when we were removing them than I realised they were."

Then he left and the nurse gave me my papers, I signed the final discharge also, she showed me my prescriptions which had already been called over to the hospital's pharmacy and gave me my copies, and then my clothes and closed the curtain so that I could get dressed.

Then she helped me walk over near the exit door to a restroom, and I asked for another cup of ice chips, which she had waiting for me when I got out of the restroom. They told me to sit in that chair and watch the door/window for my mother to appear.

I sat there for a while then realised that the nose of a truck that I'd been staring right at looked a whole lot like Al's truck. So I slowly made my way up to the exit door and looked out the glass and saw Al in the truck. So I went out and got in the truck. And asked for my purse and fon, of course. Here is me sans tonsils and pretty miserable! Also those are the girlperson's sunglasses which I accidentally kept from the last visit, so I had brought them with knowing it was like to be fairly bright out when I was done.



And then there was nearly 2 hours of waiting in the truck. They'd apparently tried to rush my meds but it was a crazybadbusy pharmacy day. I was trying to make the ice chips last as long as possible, as mother said the caff was closed at that moment (they close a few times a day between meals/shifts I guess) and I managed to make it just barely last till they reopened, then mother brought me a hugeass cup of ice.



I was horribly miserable yet very happy it was over. The morphine was wearing off pretty fast so I just kept chewing on the ice, and finally my (all liquid!) meds were ready. Before we drove off mother helped me take some of the pain medicine which pretty quickly made life a lot less horrible.

We stopped at Walgreens on the way home because I'd seen that they had nice metal water bottles for a reasonable price and I'd been really wanting to grab a couple before recovery but hadn't gotten around to it.

And even though I couldn't yet smile, I was feeling better enough to take a silly hat picture!



And then to the register where mother shoved cash into the cashier's hand before I could even get my card all the way out of my wallet, which was super confusing at that exact moment but very sweet of her.

AND THEN TO HOME. It took me many minutes to get up these stairs.



But then to bed, where mother did hang out with me for the rest of that night till Josh got home, and then she showed up again the next day to stay with me till about 2pm.



I wasn't able to sleep right away so we just hung out and talked, and she either crocheted or used my desktop computer, and more chatting and just being comforting. It was very lovely and I'm very glad she was here for me.