happy anniversary

on the 21st it will be a year with this job.

i had a bad night, i've not been eating and it's now time of month
so i got the bad cramps.
it's not badbad pain, it's specific pain
it's pain that somehow just sticks a finger right in the middle of emotion memories
somehow access that part of my brain and makes me feel all the ick feelings
associated with that pain.

so ended up with my first real cry since the end of june.

i started reading back thru a year ago,
amazed that i had no clue that drew was lying to me even then and that i was less than happy
sheesh! it's painfully obvious to me.

hindsight?

i cannot express how pleased i am, only one bout of that much cry
and it was cramp triggered
four or five months ago i would look ahead to the next year or two with great dread
wondering when i'd ever get backto being me.
as i wandered thru the first of this year i say i hate 2003, many times
expecting the entire year to be bad.

i think the second half is going to pretty much make up for the first.
thank fucking (insert diety here)

ooh uhh

oh yeah

goign to ren faire, sunday
YAY

then going to san francisco to be in the studio audience of screen savers on tech tv

i need to get dressed and leave go cash check tho.
and EAT FUD

i wonder if anyone would notice if i go to work in what i wore yesterday