you think you know but you have no idea

woman
whoahhhhman
she took my heart and my .... cat

what?

oh hi, hello there livejournal, how are you today?

woke up and went to get my car this morning
well morning to me at least.

and found out there was OT
so i went in and did 6 hours

ohmy.

i'm tired, wornfuckingout, haven't showered,
ew!

so party?
heeeeee

i got very very drunk.
i had lots of fun
i ended up in pile of girls

yes there is picture proof
oh my god i'm a whore

*dies*

public service announcement

i'm equal parts deliriously happy and confused.
it's confusing, to say the least.
no i think that's not quite right
i think i'm 80% happy and 20% confused
that's a pretty good mix

but not distressing.

i don't know what i'm going to do in a lot of things
but i'm pretty confident in that i'll end up doing what's best for eris.

i may never fully accept that there's just some decisions i can't make for others
i cannot thru force of eris will MAKE the people i care about BE HAPPY
i may never be able to totally stop trying.
just try to be the best friend i can to the people who care about me as well.
i suck at nonphysical comfort
i'm great for hugs and kissface


there was a time period in which i wanted very badly just to turn all control over to pinky
here! let me just go away and you decide my life!
just to like curl up inside my brain and sleep for a few months.

no regrets.

most people at work had no clue about anything until it was all over
i think it was assumed i was single, which was right, but i never said.
a couple people whom i now talk to a lot refer to drew as "the asshole"
bleh, and still i defend.

it just ended badly. i still believe i fucked a lot of shit up to cause it to end badly.
i think pinky still thinks i should be more angry.

i probably would change how it ended if i could, but i wouldn't take back the three years prior
not for anything.

he ended up to be just like everyone else,
and i'm still not convinced that i don't cause that to happen.
but i was truly happy with him for quite a long time,
and he helped change me for the better,
i'm not the same person as i was before him

the stress of the last year and a half, nearly two years now have regressed me a little
i'm too damn quiet, i get too meek when upset still.
but that's just surface stuff, the core is eris of steel.

do i think i could have done that without him?
probably ... maybe, mostly, i think it may have taken longer.

regardless i only regret the things i have not done.
i don't regret being with him
i don't regret loving him.
i regret not telling him how i felt, when i felt it.
even tho i see now that that probably would have changed nothing.

it is my belief that everything that has happened to me has made me the person i am right now
i like me, quite a lot.
so if i could go back and remove or change bad things, i wouldn't
because what if that specific thing or things was a pivotal factor in who i am?

horror scope from fon

Trains in China are divided into two different sections: soft seats and hard seats. "The soft seats are usually where you find the richer, stiffer, better-educated people," reports Charlotte Temple in "DoubleTake" magazine. "In the hard-seat section, it's like a little village. Evryone is eating watermelon seads, playing games, leaning out windows to buy from the dumpling sellers" I bring this up, Gemini, because it's an apt metaphor for the choice you now face. As you travel on to the next phase of your life, the soft seats will provide the greatest comfort, but the most interesting and educational events would unfold in the hard seats.

out of the frying pan, into the fire?

good morning livejournal

it is morning for me.
i slept well.
i think i had oddish dreams but i cannot remember them.

if i could have a wish it would be to quit fucking up other people's lives just by being me.

then again perhaps that's my purpose.
i'm a force of discord?
maybe some people's pots get stagnant if i don't stir them up a bit?
when all is said and done will he kill the messenger?

i just went wandering back through the begining of this journal
i left shit out, RIGHT in the begining i left shit out.

( holes in the journal )

i'm suppose to be shower
my away msg says shower
i have the feeling i'm trying to say something but know not what
i hate that.