![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Jul. 6th, 2003
yeah yeah yeah
Jul. 6th, 2003 12:31 amdon't hate me because i'm beautiful
hate me because i'm better than you
!!!
have i mentioned curtis is the best daddy ever?
you can share him he doesn't mind
and my mother is being pretty damn cool
i'm learning to appreciate it as it comes.
talked online for a while after fon messages woke me
then decided i needs more sleep, but first called mah pinkypants at work
talked to her for a while and then passed out
then woked up and called mother and was perfectly calm about all the health issues, till i got to my car, then i just started blubbering.
i know it's not the end of the world, i knew that i'd have some idea of what to do before the day was out.
it's.just.so.frustrating.
anyway so she came and picked my ass up, and al looked at the car, says it's the power steering pump and some belt, not major but noisy.
so we went and got my prescription to stop bleedy, and while we were in wal greens al got ice cream so we walked out and saw al sitting there eating ice cream i said oooh that sounds good,
so we went in and i got pay attention spanky strawberry ice cream
i just really wanted something fruity
it was the best ice cream ever, i took one of my pills, suppose to take three times a day with fud, ice cream is fud, YES
wasn't able to finish it but i was happier
so then we went to grocery store and mother got all kinds of healthy shit
apples, oranges, fruit cups, some pasta, some bread and cucumbers and an avocado
and RICEY CAKES! eating some of those now,
oh yeah and some kashi golean cereal, apriljoy was always talking about it, decided to try it, we shall see.
i had left a msg for curtis to call me so right as i got home my fon rang and it was curits
gave him the short version, told him about car, tried to explain bleedy without sugar coating but without scaring him .... i almost got blubbery with him too
man eris....
i said "curtis man, it's just been a bad week"
good news is, he's in town, or i should say "in state" as he goes between oregon and california now.
so he'll be calling me tomorrow and we'll take care of my car
i told him he really needs to buy me a house ELSEWHERE so i can get the hell out of this valley, he said he'll really see what he can do, we'll talk about it when he's here.
then i called pinky and we talked for something like 5 hours
then her phone went dead
so back online i am
someday soon there will be DSL
damn these ricey cakes are making me thirsty
hate me because i'm better than you
!!!
have i mentioned curtis is the best daddy ever?
you can share him he doesn't mind
and my mother is being pretty damn cool
i'm learning to appreciate it as it comes.
talked online for a while after fon messages woke me
then decided i needs more sleep, but first called mah pinkypants at work
talked to her for a while and then passed out
then woked up and called mother and was perfectly calm about all the health issues, till i got to my car, then i just started blubbering.
i know it's not the end of the world, i knew that i'd have some idea of what to do before the day was out.
it's.just.so.frustrating.
anyway so she came and picked my ass up, and al looked at the car, says it's the power steering pump and some belt, not major but noisy.
so we went and got my prescription to stop bleedy, and while we were in wal greens al got ice cream so we walked out and saw al sitting there eating ice cream i said oooh that sounds good,
so we went in and i got pay attention spanky strawberry ice cream
i just really wanted something fruity
it was the best ice cream ever, i took one of my pills, suppose to take three times a day with fud, ice cream is fud, YES
wasn't able to finish it but i was happier
so then we went to grocery store and mother got all kinds of healthy shit
apples, oranges, fruit cups, some pasta, some bread and cucumbers and an avocado
and RICEY CAKES! eating some of those now,
oh yeah and some kashi golean cereal, apriljoy was always talking about it, decided to try it, we shall see.
i had left a msg for curtis to call me so right as i got home my fon rang and it was curits
gave him the short version, told him about car, tried to explain bleedy without sugar coating but without scaring him .... i almost got blubbery with him too
man eris....
i said "curtis man, it's just been a bad week"
good news is, he's in town, or i should say "in state" as he goes between oregon and california now.
so he'll be calling me tomorrow and we'll take care of my car
i told him he really needs to buy me a house ELSEWHERE so i can get the hell out of this valley, he said he'll really see what he can do, we'll talk about it when he's here.
then i called pinky and we talked for something like 5 hours
then her phone went dead
so back online i am
someday soon there will be DSL
damn these ricey cakes are making me thirsty
i have to quote ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
celestyna (the bolding is mine)
"You can't break me, people tried for years and I ended up scarred and for the last few, give or take a few self-loathing months, I've been indestructible.
What was that Broadway play, The Unsinkable Molly Teale? Not teale but something.
When there's something you really want to do, if you've paid your dues and supported other ppls' goals over the years, it WILL come back to you and get done.
That's just the way it is.
It's not tit-for-tat, but eventually it all pans out.
Don't F'IN give up!!!
And if there's a massive landslide going on, try and help people out of it but don't let them pull you down to the bottom.
REEEEALLY. don't. We're all on a different plane, and the secret is to look thru all of them and maybe hop thru all of them, but don't get stuck in anyone's but YOUR OWN!
We are SO brainwashed. Anyway you can figure out how to reprogram yourself, DO it.
Even if it takes a bit of self-destruction, it's okay just as long as you get to the truth and happiness part."
celestyna (the bolding is mine) "You can't break me, people tried for years and I ended up scarred and for the last few, give or take a few self-loathing months, I've been indestructible.
What was that Broadway play, The Unsinkable Molly Teale? Not teale but something.
When there's something you really want to do, if you've paid your dues and supported other ppls' goals over the years, it WILL come back to you and get done.
That's just the way it is.
It's not tit-for-tat, but eventually it all pans out.
Don't F'IN give up!!!
And if there's a massive landslide going on, try and help people out of it but don't let them pull you down to the bottom.
REEEEALLY. don't. We're all on a different plane, and the secret is to look thru all of them and maybe hop thru all of them, but don't get stuck in anyone's but YOUR OWN!
We are SO brainwashed. Anyway you can figure out how to reprogram yourself, DO it.
Even if it takes a bit of self-destruction, it's okay just as long as you get to the truth and happiness part."
mah sexy pinkypants made me a list
heh,
i will respond to some responses later i need to sleep curtis will be calling and waking me up.
pinky: 1: eat something before you sleep
pinky: 2: take motrin before you sleep so you do not wake up achey
pinky: 3: SLEEP
pinky: 4: wake up and stuff
pinky: 5: take a big tub or something and fill it with hot soapy water
pinky: 6: soak your feet until water gets lukewarm
pinky: 7: call me tomorrow if you don't see me online or something
heh,
i will respond to some responses later i need to sleep curtis will be calling and waking me up.
pinky: 1: eat something before you sleep
pinky: 2: take motrin before you sleep so you do not wake up achey
pinky: 3: SLEEP
pinky: 4: wake up and stuff
pinky: 5: take a big tub or something and fill it with hot soapy water
pinky: 6: soak your feet until water gets lukewarm
pinky: 7: call me tomorrow if you don't see me online or something
public confessional
Jul. 6th, 2003 02:10 pmyou know i really like the free zones or post anything posts?
but you know that applies to all my posts.
so you know if i'm being all gut spilly it's quite all right to respond in kind.
i am not perfect.
of course i'm angry, hurt, sad, etc.
but not so much anymore
i'm not pretending to be perfectly ok just so certain persons won't know they're hurting me
i'm pretending to be perfectly ok because it's an act of will, it becomes true.
i am not squishing or denying anything i'm feeling,
i'm dealing. one of the important things i've learned over the last few years is what needs to be public and what doesn't.
for me.
there comes a point where i'm just beating a dead horse in public,
there comes a point where any talking i need to do must be limited to certain people
"who is she trying so hard to convince, herself?"
yes, yes indeed, doesn't make anything i'm saying any less true
all me's are still me you know
the calm is me
the accepting is me
the angry is me
the hurt is me
the love is me
the happy is me
etc. etc. etc.
co-existence
i have a feeling i'm about to misquote some cheesy slogan
decide it's true. act like it's true. it becomes true.
it's not very easy for most of us to "just stop" bad or hurtful or unhealthy behaviour
but deciding you can, deciding you WILL is the first step
no doubting.
i had a difficult talk with pinky last night
but for the first time this week i went to sleep happy and un-drugaieded
and without pretending i was someone else or somewhere else or that none of this had happened.
but you know that applies to all my posts.
so you know if i'm being all gut spilly it's quite all right to respond in kind.
i am not perfect.
of course i'm angry, hurt, sad, etc.
but not so much anymore
i'm not pretending to be perfectly ok just so certain persons won't know they're hurting me
i'm pretending to be perfectly ok because it's an act of will, it becomes true.
i am not squishing or denying anything i'm feeling,
i'm dealing. one of the important things i've learned over the last few years is what needs to be public and what doesn't.
for me.
there comes a point where i'm just beating a dead horse in public,
there comes a point where any talking i need to do must be limited to certain people
"who is she trying so hard to convince, herself?"
yes, yes indeed, doesn't make anything i'm saying any less true
all me's are still me you know
the calm is me
the accepting is me
the angry is me
the hurt is me
the love is me
the happy is me
etc. etc. etc.
co-existence
i have a feeling i'm about to misquote some cheesy slogan
decide it's true. act like it's true. it becomes true.
it's not very easy for most of us to "just stop" bad or hurtful or unhealthy behaviour
but deciding you can, deciding you WILL is the first step
no doubting.
i had a difficult talk with pinky last night
but for the first time this week i went to sleep happy and un-drugaieded
and without pretending i was someone else or somewhere else or that none of this had happened.
regarding the list pinky made me, heh
i had applesause and motrin last night before sleep
anny is saying "i'm fat and bitchy feed me!"
and i'm starting to find comfort in the emtpy stomach, dizzy feeling
which is never good.
so i'm going to feed the bitches
and try some of that cereal
yes.
i had applesause and motrin last night before sleep
anny is saying "i'm fat and bitchy feed me!"
and i'm starting to find comfort in the emtpy stomach, dizzy feeling
which is never good.
so i'm going to feed the bitches
and try some of that cereal
yes.
happy anniversary to me
Jul. 6th, 2003 03:51 pmtoday is July 6th
that makes it officially a year that i've been living here
in turlock
i think that July 4th is going to mean more to me next year
independence day and all, as much as some things are still going to hurt and upset me for a long time, i'm FREE of so so many things.
i'm eating this, i let myself go too long without eating again
all i had yesterday was strawberry ice cream, 2 ricey cakes, and apple sauce
see but that allowed me to take my pills the required three times a day
i should take one now that i'm eating
the cereal is pretty good, i like it
but stomach is freaking out
"omg food! what's going on!"
that makes it officially a year that i've been living here
in turlock
i think that July 4th is going to mean more to me next year
independence day and all, as much as some things are still going to hurt and upset me for a long time, i'm FREE of so so many things.
i'm eating this, i let myself go too long without eating again
all i had yesterday was strawberry ice cream, 2 ricey cakes, and apple sauce
see but that allowed me to take my pills the required three times a day
i should take one now that i'm eating
the cereal is pretty good, i like it
but stomach is freaking out
"omg food! what's going on!"
even eris posts lyrics sometimes
Jul. 6th, 2003 08:07 pmheh i've only heard this song a few times
but it has been stuck in my head off and on
but it has been stuck in my head off and on
You say,
I should do it differently.
I don't,
Necessarily agree.
Stand up!
Sit down!
Be nice!
Did ya hear me ask for your advice?
Don't bother,
Trying to tell me your beliefs.
Your point of view is pretty straight to me.
Do this!
Do that!
On track!
Do me a favor and don't talk back!
Round and round,
But the conversation always ends where it began.
Round and round,
And I need a vacation.
My god,
I've had it from you!
Shut up!
Don't want to hear your voice.
Shut up!
I'm sick of all the noise.
There's nothing you can say to me,
So get away from me.
Shut up!
Blah Blah, Blah Blah, Blah Blah, Blah Blah.
That's what,
It sounds like you said to me.
You nag and you brag and I gag,
There's so much beauty in what we have.
You must,
Have better things that you can do.
Or just,
Love all around me too.
What you want,
What I need.
Oh please!
I think you get off,
On hearing yourself speak.
Round and round,
But the conversation always ends where it began.
Round and round,
And I need a vacation.
My god,
I've had it from you!
Shut up!
Don't want to hear your voice.
Shut up!
I'm sick of all the noise.
There's nothing you can say to me,
So get away from me.
Shut up!
Don't want to be polite.
It's messed up,
How you always think you're right.
There's nothing you can say,
That's gonna change the way I am.
Shut up!
Round and round,
But the conversation always ends where it began.
Round and round,
And I need a vacation.
My god,
I've had it from you!
Shut up!
Don't want to hear your voice.
Shut up!
I'm sick of all the noise.
There's nothing you can say to me,
So get away from me.
Shut up!
Don't want to be polite.
It's messed up,
How you always think you're right.
There's nothing you can say,
That's gonna change the way I am.
Shut up!