yesnow!

well i have tomorrow off
my weekend has been split

i guess they really need people on Monday so they were walking around asking people who had Monday off to work, in exchange for Sunday off

so i'll have tomorrow, err i guess it's Sunday already
so i'll have Sunday and Tuesday off

Monday will probably suck but right now i'm happy

i have about $15 to last me till i get paid on Friday
i had $25 but i put $10 worth of gas into my car

so i'm fine on gas

i should be able to just slide into Friday

i'm going to lay down and read now, and eventually sleep

hey

if you're on warped irc and see n00dle tell him this

or if you ARE n00dleboy reading this
then if you are on irc tonight then text message me and if'n i'm still awake i'll get back online to bother you
:)

Murder now the path called "must we"

weird long involved dream in which i was suspected of killing someone and biff was accomplice
we were trying to get away.
we decided to drive down to los angeles and figure out what to do from there
in my dreams i pronounce words in ways i generally force myself not to in waking life

los angeles = loss ann ja leeees

it was a weird and kinda fun dream oddly enough

the most distressing part was figuring out to do with mundane things
like, work, if i could request a leave of absence over the phone so i'd still have a job when the whole thing was over, etc. etc.

i think i need to save up some money and combine my 3 paid vacation days with one of my sets of two days off and take off for 5 days somewhere

waiting like a stalking butler

i think anny and bob are concerned that i'm home because i'm sick
they are hovering around being snugglybabygirls

maybe they're just happy to have me home
or trying to get me not to leave, it's not time for me to leave yet were i working today

(no subject)

readnrelaxin

text msg me if you want my attention

question?

if you added me as a friend for any other reason than because i added you first
then why?
i'm just curious, i see interesting people from time to time that have friended me and i have no idea where they came from.. meaning we have no similar friends, etc.

eris=curious

(no subject)

fuck

=(

i
got
dumped

you know what?

i don't suppose there's anything holding me to the not talking about his life in my journal now?

....

my brain can only hold two thoughts right now

"ow"

and

"why?"

hm

ok there are a lot of things running around my head but those last two in last post are prevailing

well.... i no longer have to explain the boyfriend thing, i'm just plain lesbian now

this doesn't cheer me up as much as might be expected

sorting out thoughts

he's dumping me in attempt to not hurt me anymore
i still don't understand how that's suppose to make any sense other than a bullshit excuse

he claims he still loves me and cares
he claims he wants to be my friend and be around for me

he called when i stormed offline
i'm mad he did it in email and aim
he sounded very upset

i just can't do the friends thing
after four years

i told him that i'm not going to do the friends thing, i am not going to contact him and that if he means even a little of what he said and it is not - as he claims - some bullshit excuse, and he really does care and doesn't want to do this then when he gets his shit together he'll seek me out.

but after the one thing happening today that i was paranoid about but really didn't think was going to happen, happening. i really think that's it.

he made me hope
he made me love
me made me happy

he broke my heart.

(no subject)

please wake me up tomorrow and tell me today was just a bad dream

(no subject)

i feel 2 inches tall
a very sad and lonely 2 inches tall

don't step on me please

let's try it one last time with feeling

i'm going away from this

no more posts for a while, public or friended
i'll try to keep up with some private just to me posts because when i look back on things i hate the gaps

this is just going to turn into a whine whine poor me journal and that doesn't help matters
as well as the fact he reads it.

i'm deadly sad
i don't know what i'm going to do with myself
being 25 when i wanted to stay 18 is bad enough
i'll be 26 this year, 4 years away from 30
and now i'm single
it's horribly pathetic right now

i know i'm not the kind of girl anyone wants to marry
or particularly take home to mother all that often
but at least i thought i had a something just as good.

eventually i should try to find a nice girl and settle down
there really wasn't suppose to be any more male after dug
kal was an accident
up till now i thought it was a good accident

i'm trying to remember i had plans for my life
it's all narrowed down to now,
i don't see anything ahead of me but sad right now.
i don't understand why this has happened

my plans now consist of trying to keep it together enough to go to work
and school, oh my god school
my world has become tiny but everything in it has become large and scary

as soon as i can manage to sleep one night without crying i will post again
or before that if something big happens like i quit, get fired, get promotion, move, etc.

i don't know how long that'll be, maybe a month.
i'll still be online, irc and email and stuff
i just don't need to fill this journal with lamenting

i want to try to be in denial and cope
i really don't know what i'm going to do.

bye.