Brains are weird.
Mar. 4th, 2011 10:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hoveringsombreroI am unsure if this is a side-effect of a brilliant smarter than average brain with occasional shit memory, or just a regular side effect of how the human brain works ...
But I find that I have very little middleground of memory, it's either clear as shit, or gone totally, for most things. I do have the fuzzy and unsure inbetweens and the don't-remember-at-all-until-someone-brings-it-up, but the majority of my memories consist of the first two.
Little things random things throughout my daily life often bring up crystal clear full scenes of my past or just random moments. Like diet coke brought back their neat little heart-design can. Josh bought some last week and when I opened the fridge and saw them, I suddenly had a perfectly clear image of the girlperson and I at Archie's at my official Last (special) Meal before surgery.
Another that has been coming up frequently is from ... 2002, I believe. It just happened to me again as I was walking down the hall a few moments ago and dropped my earphones.
When I was living alone and working 40-80 hours a week (less my frequent sick days) at MCI/CA Relay Service in Modesto my very good friend Paul (known to some of you as Shrubber) would occasionally send me pizza/whatever money. Because we talked a lot and he knew I was stressed, upset, sick a lot, and struggling, and pizza was the only thing that delivered to where I lived. It was one particularly bad day, I'd been up late pouring my angsty heart out to him on IRC and was not at all doing well. I was on my way to work, after waking upset, so was driving upset and depressed, and he called me. I answered with my phone on handsfree with earbuds (I drove a manual, could never hold a phone and shift, not a skill I possess), and we talked on the way to work and he cheered me up. He told me to stop at a western union location along the way and he sent me some monies. We continued talking until I got to work. I got out of the car, said goodbye, locked my car and leaned against it staring at the WU receipt and noticed that he'd included a note with the transfer. I don't remember exactly what it said but it was something like "Get pizza! Be happy, Love Paul."
Big mean ol' eris teared up at the note and I stood there for a bit thinking how lucky I was to have good friends despite all the shit. I wouldn't have starved or anything if he'd not sent, but it was helpful and it was really the thought more than the money itself that was so sweet. I composed myself and took a few steps away from the car to head into work ...
And *crunch*, I'd dropped the cord for the phone's earbuds (purple) without knowing so the earbits were swinging and I had just stepped on them. I froze, stared at them all smashed, and just burst out laughing. And then went on to have a pretty good day.
But if it weren't for the conversation with Paul, and the little note along with the WU transfer, the earbud smashing would have ruined my whole day. Instead it was just amusing.
...
The thing is, it was soon after that, that I actually made friends at work and things started looking up and moving onto the path which brought me to Las Vegas. If Paul hadn't been there for me for a number of things during those years, I honestly don't know how I would have dealt with it all.
I don't know if it's random synapses firing, or my subconscious reminding me that good friends are really more important than any stupid sicks or money issues. And also that I haven't been able to hangout with the girlperson and boyperson as much and I misses them.
Either way, end of random babble entry.
But I find that I have very little middleground of memory, it's either clear as shit, or gone totally, for most things. I do have the fuzzy and unsure inbetweens and the don't-remember-at-all-until-someone-brings-it-up, but the majority of my memories consist of the first two.
Little things random things throughout my daily life often bring up crystal clear full scenes of my past or just random moments. Like diet coke brought back their neat little heart-design can. Josh bought some last week and when I opened the fridge and saw them, I suddenly had a perfectly clear image of the girlperson and I at Archie's at my official Last (special) Meal before surgery.
Another that has been coming up frequently is from ... 2002, I believe. It just happened to me again as I was walking down the hall a few moments ago and dropped my earphones.
When I was living alone and working 40-80 hours a week (less my frequent sick days) at MCI/CA Relay Service in Modesto my very good friend Paul (known to some of you as Shrubber) would occasionally send me pizza/whatever money. Because we talked a lot and he knew I was stressed, upset, sick a lot, and struggling, and pizza was the only thing that delivered to where I lived. It was one particularly bad day, I'd been up late pouring my angsty heart out to him on IRC and was not at all doing well. I was on my way to work, after waking upset, so was driving upset and depressed, and he called me. I answered with my phone on handsfree with earbuds (I drove a manual, could never hold a phone and shift, not a skill I possess), and we talked on the way to work and he cheered me up. He told me to stop at a western union location along the way and he sent me some monies. We continued talking until I got to work. I got out of the car, said goodbye, locked my car and leaned against it staring at the WU receipt and noticed that he'd included a note with the transfer. I don't remember exactly what it said but it was something like "Get pizza! Be happy, Love Paul."
Big mean ol' eris teared up at the note and I stood there for a bit thinking how lucky I was to have good friends despite all the shit. I wouldn't have starved or anything if he'd not sent, but it was helpful and it was really the thought more than the money itself that was so sweet. I composed myself and took a few steps away from the car to head into work ...
And *crunch*, I'd dropped the cord for the phone's earbuds (purple) without knowing so the earbits were swinging and I had just stepped on them. I froze, stared at them all smashed, and just burst out laughing. And then went on to have a pretty good day.
But if it weren't for the conversation with Paul, and the little note along with the WU transfer, the earbud smashing would have ruined my whole day. Instead it was just amusing.
...
The thing is, it was soon after that, that I actually made friends at work and things started looking up and moving onto the path which brought me to Las Vegas. If Paul hadn't been there for me for a number of things during those years, I honestly don't know how I would have dealt with it all.
I don't know if it's random synapses firing, or my subconscious reminding me that good friends are really more important than any stupid sicks or money issues. And also that I haven't been able to hangout with the girlperson and boyperson as much and I misses them.
Either way, end of random babble entry.
