*sigh*

so yeah
i went to wal-mart
sat in the parking lot in the truck and wrote to myself on the backside of my list
i'm not sure where that paper is now, maybe i left it in the truck

anyhow, i'm not doing too well for a lot of reasons i care not to discuss
not gonna find the paper and scan it because ... i dunno,i guess because i was writing just to me
and it's not stuff that needs dwelling on

i expect too much of people
i expect nothing of me
kal expects too much of me

i'm moving on now

ME

at wal-mart i got 1 string of 150 purple twinkly dangly style lights
and 1 string of 25 'outdoor' 'black lights'

going in my bedroom
natch

now i'm turning this thing off soon,
saying goodbye to that mexican guy
and readsleep

uck

what a weird dream
in some way i think it was connected to the page i wrote to myself last night

the first thing i remember is that i was carrying around a baby and it was mine (that came from the creepy outer limits i watched last night) i was very very distressed, i couldn't remember giving birth to it or anything, i kept stopping people and telling them it couldn't be mine and trying to get them to take it.
then -still with baby- i was at one of the strange churches that only exist in my dreams, with my mother. she had dropped of my brother in one of the children's classes (he was much younger) and we were looking for the proper class to dump my baby in, which by now had become a toddler. finally found the right room and dropped it off
then some taste testing something and some swirly madness as it morphed into a different dream
then i was in some big nifty huge loft like place, there weren't any walls inside and the ceiling was really high so everyone that lived there had constructed large gypsy/nomad type tents for themselves to live in
while living in this place i was in a complicated relationship with 3 girls (that includes me) and 2 guys
none of these people bore any resemblance to anyone i actually know, one of the girls was part black and i think part indian as well as white, she had foofy - bit below chin length - hair, it wasn't a fro it was just really really curly, and the other girl had long blonde hair and the complexion of a redhead, very very pale with a few freckles. i was really skinny and i can't remember if my hair was black or red (long and straight too) i think it may have alternated
one of the guys was tall, blonde, tanned, and rich, looked like the typical asshole stereotype blonde jock, but he was born rich so he had like 5 doctorates in different areas of philosophy and dead language and was very deep and intelligent (i just instinctively knew their history) and the other guy was just as interesting and intelligent but less educated because he'd never had the time for extensive school, he was darker, maybe part mexican or italian.

anyhow, the complicated part was somehow we had all started out as separate relationships nearly (each of the girls with one of the guys and me with one of the girls) and the whole smushing it into one relationship thing just sorta happened out of convenience (and after some orgy thing with the 5 of us), it was our theory when we sat and talked it out that it would eliminate any jealousy that was happening after the orgy in parentheses
except it didn't, both of the girls kept having issues with each other about the guys, so i spent most of the dream running around trying to patch things up (ugh)

then it got silly.

we decided that to get our aggressions out (well the other two girls mostly) that we would stage this large chocolate pudding bikini wrestling thing in the large tent in the middle of the loft place.
the two girls get to beat the crap out of each other in good fun, yeah and the rest of the girls, some from other tents, me included, just fun,
and our men would enjoy it, natch.

then i woke up! just as a bunch of guys were dumping the pudding into the ring

ohwell.

the taste of a new generation

mah brother just called

after i woke from the odd dream i started working on rearranging the bedroom
so i'll go back and finish that in a bit
as anonymous (152.163.207.192) so anonymously reminded me i have to find a job, i'm a spoiled brat and if kal doesn't hate me now he will eventually
so today i clean the bedroom and avoid it for yet another day
i'm not doing too well, going back to work terrifies me, the min wage world terrifies me
i would very much like it if my best friends had nifty strings to pull for me (even tho i'm not sure kal is too happy about the strings that were pulled for him, now).
i dun wanna
i'm scared and whiny
just hand it too me.

don't give me your sympathy,
i'm a fuck up and don't deserve it
just mail me some confidence.

ugh

don't use bigmailbox
they sell your email addresses to spammers

this is why i'm quitting using them asap

WARNING:
Your account has been suspended. Since you have exceeded your mailbox limit of 6 megabytes and have not removed any messages and/or files to reduce your mailbox size, we have suspended your account. You will be unable to receive mail to this account until your mailbox is under the allowed limit of 6 megabytes.

gah

going upstairs in a bit
i changed my email in my livejournal profile

people aren't getting that i often don't receive things to eris@eriscam.com and i don't check it hardly at all anymore
maybe that will help

=)

a linky before i go back upstairs

i read too much, but i agree with what that's saying, a whole lot.
i can read and walk at the same time, i use to do it while walking to work, i have enough peripheral vision to not run into things and know where i'm going and still be entirely in the book

ilovebooks

i'll take books and cats over people any day

:(

i dunno where my kitty is

upstairs

i just dragged one of the longer cat5 cables upstairs
i wish i had a staplegun it bothers me to have it just laying on the floor
laptop on desk upstairs
uncomfortable folding chair
oohyeah

i still can't find anny
i'm very worried
did she get outside?

this day will be deleted

this day does not exist
i
am
pissy

don't cheer me up, bitch at me so i can tell you to fuck off

honesty

most of you really don't want to know what i actually think
what i censor

i'm writing furiously in notepad to myself

i'm not going to hidey post it anywhere
if it ever gets posted, it won't be a secret. so don't go poking thru my deadjournal, it's not there

perhaps i should use it to restart my rant section and stick it in my members area
pay me to piss you off

there's a dream job.

lol

that roommate guy just walked in here

peloquin: "well i'm going out on a journal of self-enlightenment and discovery, you need anything while i'm out?"

bah

maybe i just need a random fuck
any volunteers?

YAY!!

i'd been watching farscape and i thought i heard a mew from outside, i went and looked and didn't see any kitten
peloquin thought he heard her too
so i sat back down and he opened the door to go out to smoke and in walked anny

i'm so relieved

crazy cat

hehe

anny smells like tree
and she cleaned herself for 15 mins

she probably went to the park and chased squirrels

yknow

all the good stuff happens on gigglecam when i'm not watching
i just went thru a couple months of her caption archive because i realized i hadn't had any of her printed out for my wall of naked people