busy busy day....

shit happens, stuff happened yesterday that prevented me from getting stamps

i'm in an odd kind of numb state, i'm not upset, i'm not panicked, i just don't care anymore, shit is just going to keep falling apart around me, i'm going to keep having to struggle to keep things working, fuck it all, why worry about it,

heh that all sounds rather suicidal, i'm in a good mood i think, i'm just sick and goddamn tired of every time good things happen bigger bad things have to happen

so hey, it's the fucking happy christmas season, i'm thinking p'raps i have fun with my good things and maybe if i ignore the bad things they'll just go away, or i'll be so happily in denial i won't notice

good things:

fun presents (YAY video camera)
4 cams even if i can't get them all going all the time
a cute little townhouse to live in that's not falling apart
food in the kitchen
fun roommate (:( *miss*)
fun, understanding mexican
good, loyal friends
a lake i can walk to
part of a family that cares about me
a boyfriend's mother that is cool and not trying to kill me
a desk that is all mine that i can glue stuff to
the weirdest stuff animal collection i've ever seen

i know there's a lot more but i can't remember now

i've got A LOT to do today, i forgot that kal's mother and brother are coming over as well, i don't know how they'll react to the cams, cause i know my father and brother won't mind

brother is to be coming over earlier and bringing me wrapping paper

ok stuff doing, off i go

well well well....

there will be no cams downstairs for the christmas gettogether thingy

why?

kal hasn't told his mother about the cams, i didn't know this
very very odd thing to me, as i haven't kept it a secret from anybody, hell my family is going to think i'm nutso whatever i do

but it's not like he forbade it or anything, i offered to just not bring the cams downstairs, i'll just take a lot of video, having a video camera around for a holiday thing is "normal" right?

shower and stuff now