it's my birthday

[hoveringsombrero]

i'm not happy today
i spent my car ride home from work this morning trying not to cry
i'm very smell fixated, each time in my life has a smell

i wore a shirt which had been in my car and seemed clean
but the shirt was last worn during the end of kal
so i'm all night remembering all the wonderful birthdays with him.
and being mad at him, i'm still mad, i'm still hurt.

this whole happy thing you're seeing here in journal is by no means a farce
it is defiantly me, just every so often this right here is also me.
sometimes they co-exist

i just really hate birthdays.
i want everyone to remember and make me feel special.
but i feel like i'm forcing or asking for, or demanding that by even telling people when my birthday is.

i may be often happy, but i'm still lonely and i still hate birthdays
i'll be glad when midnight hits.