My god, it's full of stars

Calloo Callay, she chortled in her joy!

I have mostly returned to the land of the living.
My hallucinations woke me mid false sleep last night,
terrified me awake actually.

But seems the shock scared something out of me.
I could suddenly breathe deeply without dying of cough.

I probably got about 5 hours of real actual restful sleep.
What a difference a day makes.

Today normal colours and sounds returned,
things no longer seem to be trying so hard to exist.

I still feel really shitty,
but I actually feel alive again.

The past few years I go longer and long periods,
between the episodes of serious illness.
So now when something like this happens,
I'm gripped by the fear that this'll be the one that does me in,
the one that I never recover from,
just stay ill for the rest of my days.

You'd think as my health appears to get better every year,
that this fear would lessen instead of worsen.

I'm not sure why it's doing quite the opposite.

Most likely guilt that I'm nowhere near taking good enough care of myself yet.

I have tacos, and chai and free internets,
and less deadly of a cough.

Slightly better to be alive today.