Once again, same shit, different day.

Not enough gas to get to work.
Nearly no food in kitchen which belongs to me.
Yelling match with mother yesterday.

so tired.
Wish i had someone to blame so i could yell or kick someone.

i love my job, but the distance is killing me.
We live in the lakes and work behind the airport.
This means it's a drive that would take a normal car 20 mins where it takes the truck 45 to an hour,
not to mention strip traffic.
We applied somewhere 5 mins away, interviews on wednesday.
Suck, i don't want to leave my current job.
This post is pissing me off now so i'll just send the damn thing and then maybe chuck the fon across the room.

For mother.

This is for my mother,
poor lady had to try to wade thru the muck which is my journal
trying to find this link

i'm going to make a little page and upload it permanatly
so we can avoid this in the future
and here it is

if anyone else feels like wasting money on the black hole which is eris
feel free, but this is for mother. :)

!!!!! BTRIPP!

OMG!
btripp! i had no idea you'd sent me a few bucks via paypal till just now!

i see you sent it right after i put a link again
my mother's about to send me some gas/food money
and what you sent has little more than
offset what paypal takes out from mother's send =D

one of these days man ...
going to find you and squishhug the shit out of you!

a mother rant

this is a mother rant
which is totally unlike any others.

had a really bad conversation with mother yesterday
in which she said some rather mean things
and in which i yelled and cussed a little at her.

we've been getting along rather well for a while
she's been helping me quite a lot which isn't usual.
the truck we're driving isn't perfect but it's a loan from her

anyway,
to condense she has a tendency to assume i'm my father
and to react to me like i'm my father
we're rather similar in personality
my father and she haven't spoken or seen each other in
uhhh *counts* wow, nearly 10 years, around 9ish

ANYWAY
she called me back today.
and *GASP*
apologized
and we had a long talk, and both cried.
(yes eris cries, shush)

i don't know ...
dare i hope that maybe
we'll have a better mother/daughter relationship
from here out?

seems like she just finally realized how the things she says make me feel
it could also be that it's the first time i coherently told her so?
i'm sure the way i've reacted to her over the years haven't made me a great daughter either.
and i know i was a headache of a teenager.

................................

it's such a balance
i'm barely hanging on to keep us above water in life
but suddenly things vastly improve with my mother and i.

i'm thinking possibly all the shit in my life lately
was a rather small price to pay
in exchange for a least a few days now of feeling like i've got a real mother.