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Mar. 24th, 2004
what happened?
Mar. 24th, 2004 03:24 pmi skimmed quickly over some old entries t'other night
appears i use to care a whole lot less about what people thought
no that's phrasing it wrong
just got tired of being bitched at
it's just the story of my life
i think i'm going out of my way to avoid something
and somehow i cause the exact opposite
but i'm thinking perhaps maybe this is something i should stop blaming on me so much
people will hear what they want to hear.
some people for some reason NEED me to be their villain so much that logic kicking them in the head with a 10 ton weight has no effect whatsoever, plain black words on a white background still end up with a different meaning.
despite it all i still think maybe something about me enforces, or encourages these people to see/hear what they want
heh, i can always find a way to make it my fault, and that's beginning to annoy even me.
that's another thing,
i willingly take the blame for just about everything
except the Trojan war, i still had nothing to do with that.
and yet. when people get mad at me i'm accused of playing the victim
and placing the blame on everyone else.
i was a stupid, a big blind stupid in the end of the last relationship
but so was i in a different way in the end of the previous
i don't do breakups well
and dug is still a delusional weirdo, but it seems he's happy
and that's good, he deserves happy.
and if he shows up in my area again someday i'll willingly hang out with him
because doug can smell the fun, thus he's a fun guy to hang out with ;)
closer to present, i did things in the end of the last relationship that i swore i'd never do
or rather that i was too old to do.
i would call 20,000 times in a row till he woke up
i'd call him at work and start fights
and the stupid/amusing thing was, i was pissing myself off just as much as i was pissing him off
it still displeases me.
many things i will take the blame for
many
too many probably
many lessons learned
i still wouldn't take back the first three years of it, for anything
he was my saving prince, and my best friend.
in the end way more good than bad came of it.
even the shifty ending
and someday maybe he'll get his shit together and learn to be civil with exes enough fo rme to thank him for the good.
maybe he won't
she's a very girly girl and in many ways the antithesis of me, if that's what he wants and needs i hope it works out for them, if that's what makes him happy then that's where he should be.
maybe when i'm 90 i'll visit his grave and thank him,
maybe i'll kick the headstone first.
heee
geeze, i have to get ready for work like NOW and i have no point
this is just words in my head that have to get out before they eat my brain.
only a few people actually read these big pointless babbles anyhow
double spacking!
here's where i should say something profound, or offensive
......
What's the difference between Jews and cookies?
Cookies don't scream when you put them in the oven.
appears i use to care a whole lot less about what people thought
no that's phrasing it wrong
just got tired of being bitched at
it's just the story of my life
i think i'm going out of my way to avoid something
and somehow i cause the exact opposite
but i'm thinking perhaps maybe this is something i should stop blaming on me so much
people will hear what they want to hear.
some people for some reason NEED me to be their villain so much that logic kicking them in the head with a 10 ton weight has no effect whatsoever, plain black words on a white background still end up with a different meaning.
despite it all i still think maybe something about me enforces, or encourages these people to see/hear what they want
heh, i can always find a way to make it my fault, and that's beginning to annoy even me.
that's another thing,
i willingly take the blame for just about everything
except the Trojan war, i still had nothing to do with that.
and yet. when people get mad at me i'm accused of playing the victim
and placing the blame on everyone else.
i was a stupid, a big blind stupid in the end of the last relationship
but so was i in a different way in the end of the previous
i don't do breakups well
and dug is still a delusional weirdo, but it seems he's happy
and that's good, he deserves happy.
and if he shows up in my area again someday i'll willingly hang out with him
because doug can smell the fun, thus he's a fun guy to hang out with ;)
closer to present, i did things in the end of the last relationship that i swore i'd never do
or rather that i was too old to do.
i would call 20,000 times in a row till he woke up
i'd call him at work and start fights
and the stupid/amusing thing was, i was pissing myself off just as much as i was pissing him off
it still displeases me.
many things i will take the blame for
many
too many probably
many lessons learned
i still wouldn't take back the first three years of it, for anything
he was my saving prince, and my best friend.
in the end way more good than bad came of it.
even the shifty ending
and someday maybe he'll get his shit together and learn to be civil with exes enough fo rme to thank him for the good.
maybe he won't
she's a very girly girl and in many ways the antithesis of me, if that's what he wants and needs i hope it works out for them, if that's what makes him happy then that's where he should be.
maybe when i'm 90 i'll visit his grave and thank him,
maybe i'll kick the headstone first.
heee
geeze, i have to get ready for work like NOW and i have no point
this is just words in my head that have to get out before they eat my brain.
only a few people actually read these big pointless babbles anyhow
double spacking!
here's where i should say something profound, or offensive
......
What's the difference between Jews and cookies?
Cookies don't scream when you put them in the oven.