splitting hairs

dividing my life between two journals

ok aside from unproductive headaches and cheering up SCSi today is the first day of my 'diet'
unfortunately i slept longer than i intended so my day began at 6pm
i am feel horribly full and have what feels like nervous energy but it's really just my body going "wow goddamn you're feeding me! wooo! lets hop about in glee!"

so far today i've consumed
2 slimfasts
2 granola bars
3 cups of water
1 fruit cup
1 spicy beef rice bowl

and that was just breakfast, snacks and lunch!
that's more than i often eat in a day, and i still have i think 2 more snack times and dinner

i'm wiggling with excess energy so i'm going to go have some juice and water and move about before i get back to work

frustration

i should sleep
yes

i just really don't get it

this is not to negate the fact that a good portion of women feel oppressed. harassed, and afraid
and women who feel that way have the right to stand up for themselves, natch.

however, i'm a woman.
i'm pretty sure i'm a woman.
*checks*
yawp, boobies and a vagina
i've never been afraid to walk to walk down the street because i'm a woman, i've a couple times been afraid when i walked alone because things looked scary and i was unarmed
i don't feel that i'm in danger from men on a daily basis
when a then bf tried to kill me in the middle of the woods i felt in danger, but i think anyone would
i don't feel that i've ever been sexually harassed
things have happened to me that they define as sexual harassment in those pamphlets they give you when you start a new job
never really bothered me.
i didn't feel 'victimized'
i didn't feel 'mentally raped'
i felt momentarily annoyed at a person who had no manners

when i was thinner i'd get stopped or yelled to by men on the street at least 5 times a day
i was often amused
i often did yell fuck off, or elaborate on in that vein
or just ignore

still do the same when it happens.
i've likewise been yelled at or stopped by women, sarcastically yelling nice ass,
or for some reason instantly offended by my existence and yelling at me to "fuck off you uppity bitch" or the like

it must be very distressing and upsetting to feel all of those things i'm supposed to feel as a woman in "this society"
i just don't,
so i have a hard time relating
i'm sorry.

indeed

DECIDE MY FATE!!

the most narcissistic thing EVER

continuing on

in the same narcissistic vein i'm quoting myself:

"when someone mistreats me my brain never stops and qualifies what sex the person is that mistreated me"

well then

i didn't mean to turn entirely nocturnal
really i didn't
time for me to sleep

ok!!

who responded to my voting thingy saying they wanted to design a tattoo for me?

if you did, CLICK HERE

short day

i'm trying to get myself back on a day schedule so i'm going to eat a little more, and relax a bit then go to bed
ni ni