still awake

[hoveringsombrero]

upon further reflection i think i do feel better after babbling to my journal
something about seeing my thoughts on (digital?) paper always does help

i should try to sleep
i'm feeling a little tired.
but i'm afraid if i go to bed mayhaps my brain will start up with the incessant rambles.

was hoping there'd be someone around to talk to but everyone seems asleep.
no matter.
there's nothing to resolve really.
eventually i'll accept it and move on.
always do.

would rather another solution in this case, but ...

*blink*

interesting.

i just realized i'm not anywhere near as obsessed with controlling life anymore.
which is to say not really at all.
yes i'd prefer a solution which is NOT resigning the one who left us to a fond bittersweet memory.
but i feel no frantic need to herd everything/one together and FIX IT!

hmm.
i don't know what that means,
i'm calmer these days i guess.
somewhere in the past few years it seems i've accepted i cannot totally control life.

i made progress?
no that can't be right

there must be another shoe about to drop
goddamn shoes.