mmmbleh

[hoveringsombrero]

i'm on some sort of mission lately to make s sure i'm unfuckoverable

attempting to purge of past secrets.

a friend was trying to insist to me lately that i DO have a conscience.
i still think this is inaccurate.

i'm just wired a certain way,
when i form attachments there are certain things i'm incapable of doing to object of attachment.
i cannot lie, i cannot keep bad secrets,
i cannot purposely do anything that could hurt or have the possibility of even upsetting someone i care for.
i can try ... i fall apart after about 12 hours, sometimes as much as 24 hours
usually within 2.

i don't think i have a conscience, because i have no prevailing sense of "right" or "wrong"
it's a tweak out that i've gone against my programming,
i have labeled it guilt before but that's only a close approximation.
i can count on one hand the times i remember feeling "guilt" and still have some fingers left over.

for the most part i likely am how a lot of people claim to see me

i could give a flying fuck about people who aren't my "family" or friends.

i don't watch the news mostly because i don't give a shit about other people in general.
i don't care to watch yet another distraught welfare mom whining about loss of child thru her own inability to remember it's a bad idea to leave a kid locked in a car on a 100+ degree day
or bitching that the school system isn't doing a good enough job raising her children.

contra wise, sometimes, or with some people i'm entirely the opposite of this
i give too much of a shit, i care too much, about people who aren't worth it or people i barely know.
however, i still don't cry at movies
not that much of a girl.

to put it crudely
i may not give a shit about much of anything or anybody most the time
but when i do, likely nobody will ever give as much of a shit as i do.

i'm not sure that 80% of this said what i was trying to say
dun matter, mental sewage dumpage
*post*

Comments

[destroid.livejournal.com]

*read*

Yeah, that does sound like what I expected you to be.