circles

Oct. 7th, 2000 01:25 am
hoveringsombrero: (Default)
this was not where i thought i'd be 3 years ago
in some ways, in allot of ways, it's better
lots has changed
yet nothing has

kal is out with his friends, dug's coming over to take me out

yes dug,
when my nearly 5 year relationship with dug ended,
did i ever think i'd even SPEAK to him again?

i thought, i thought the thing with kal was just to be fuck friends
i thought that maybe dug would get his shit together and come try to get me back(stupid bitch that i was i wanted that at one point)
i didn't think that things would get better

kal takes damn good care of me
kal is my best friend
and dug is back around

not but just and
my brain doesn't always have a handle on things
Cryo keeps asking me, WHY i let Dug in my life at all
i can come up with many possible explainations
i don't think any are the answer
have i forgiven dug?
not really.
will i ever?
probably not.
Why do i hang out with him?
i don't know.
he's fun? despite being a fuck up he's a nice guy?
questions questions no answers
do i need answers?
i don't know

dug at the door...
more later.
hoveringsombrero: (Default)
well oi :)
i went to sleep and everyone was here, wake up and they're all gone

well all except the sleeping spanky in the other bedroom
hehe, i gotta spanky :P
i believe doug and selene are comeing back later, we're either taking him to n00dle's to meet more freaks or out to coffee smell to mock normals

:)
hoveringsombrero: (Default)
ok well now i'm home :) breifly, we ended up going out to lyonsin the middle of the night with BB, the mexican, n00dleboy, doug and selene, and then selene and i decided we don't wanna be home so she's dropping off hubby and we're going out

yeah yeah i'll fix the cam later
i'm out :D
hoveringsombrero: (Default)
ARRRG right now is when i'm supposed to be leaving town, but i'm running late and i'm going to tell you why

WHAT A FUCKING WEIRD NIGHT

i went over to the college to see if doug was there to loan him a book, but SHE was there too

if you don't know the story yet, THEY ARE BOTH exes, it was akward for me for about 10 mins, then we went out to get coffee, and we sat and talked and talked, then i saw the time and said, hey why don't you two come be on my show

so they did, rather lots of fun

then we went to get food, and we started seriously talking in the resturant, i started crying doug started to get weepy, celine said we're making a scene let's take this outside, so we sat/walked around outside and talked ALOT
then when we got calmed down we went out for coffee (again) and talked talked talked

i'm so glad i'm going away for a while, hehe, i't soo amazing seeing them and talking everything out finally, but now i'm in this odd state of happy/sad, i mean theese were THEE two most important people in my life for the longest time, but it'll be good to get away and deal with all theese new/old thoughts happening, i have a feeling we're going to have a couple more such talks, though not quite as intense, but i thinkwe got the bulk of it out

i was avoiding talking to him cause i thought he'd NEVER apoligize cause i'm a selfish bitch :) but he did, and i'm floored, and and and uhhhh, fuck, i don't know what i think about it all yet, except it was a good thing
and I'M HAPPY NOW GODDAMNIT hehe (andihadsexlastnight:D) so in the still oft used phrase of celine ... it's all good


it's all weird

but it's all good


must pack
hoveringsombrero: (Default)
ARRG so many words, don't know how to get them out, i saw x bf yesterday, talked for HOURS, he ACTUALLY apoligized, i was never expecting that NEVER, it was actually alot of fun seeing him, and right now i'm in a state of happyandsad, slightly weepy, happy that i saw him and it was cool, and that i came home to mexican and was HAPPY to be with him (told him so too much hehe) sad because i did really love x, and we had sooo many plans and dreams (ackweepyagain) and i sooo wanted them to come true, happy becuase things are good in live now, and i don't need promisses and plans, things are good NOW, i am happy NOW, despite stresses of work and moving, NO MORE STRESSES of bf not around, of broken promises and lies.

i wasn't completly aware till now how secure my life is, how secure i am with ME and the mexican, and how secure i am with WHERE I AM in life and where i am yet to go

sadandhappy
happyandsad

i am
i am me
i am what i wanted to be
I AM LIVING MY DREAMS!!

lol shit, i just remembered i gave x this url, hehe
ohwell, i'm full disclosure girl now anyway
hiya ducky if you're reading this

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